A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am getting to the point where I can't stand my sister. Absolutely everything I say seems to be a trigger for her to compete to the point that I've almost given up talking when she is around. For example, the other day I happened to mention to my Mum that I was going to watch a programme because it was about a line of work that a work colleague's relative is in. I knew my sister wouldn't be able to resist saying something and sure enough she immediately starting saying that she knew of 4 people in this line of work.I returned from work this evening and was discussing a subject that I had studied today and the facts that I learnt. My sister then butted in with more facts. I find it so sad that a woman of 31 can be like this. Unfortunately, my Mum and Dad always side with my sister and she presents this sweet and innocent side to everyone which they get sucked in by. I, however, am starting to really dislike her. She will actively avoid me, yet she has never had the decency to tell me why she does this. She will only come downstairs if my Mum is around which I found deeply hurtful.She moved out some time ago of which I am really glad and only comes back at holidays. My Mum and Dad just do not see that as soon as my sister comes back all the arguments start up again. They always blame me for them. Yet, ironically, my Mum is fine when my sister isn't at home but as soon as my sister is then my Mum starts becoming unpleasant. For example, I confided in Mum about some personal problems that I was having with my boyfriend which my Mum then made 'a joke' about them in front of my sister. It is almost like my Mum is feeding my sister ammunition to throw at me. They basically gang up on me yet when I assert myself they sulk about it. Incidentally, I don't know if this is relevant but they both have eating disorders.Any ideas how I can handle this situation? Moving out sadly isn't an option at the moment.
View related questions:
moved out Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2009): This sounds strangely like my husbands brother. I have put it down to intense competition which has always been encouraged by their parents, unfortunately my brother in law has always tried to live up to this while my husband doesnt so he tends to have the whole family ganging up on him when his brother is around, though strangely not when he is not around. I think his brother does this because he wants the competition, he wants my husband to react and knows that he can get the attention he craves so badly if he sparks an argument, during which the family will side with him regardless of who is wrong or who is right. Personally I find this frustrating because I want to react myself, trust me it is not worth it because you cant win. The pattern of behaviour was so ingrained into the family that it became impossible for them to treat the two of them equally. This behaviour only began to change when my husband began to assert himself. He has always been the constant, no matter how badly they treat him or how hurtful the things they say, he has always gone back for more, he's a sucker for punishment. His brother on the other hand will throw a hissy fit and cause general chaos if he feels slighted, I suppose he makes them feel that they cant argue with him because of the reaction they will get. I think that he also impresses them by arguing the opposite of whatever my husband is saying, so no matter how flawed his point of view is the family will see my husband as in the wrong because they perceive his brother as the more intelligent one with an answer for everything. In situations like these rather than get into the argument, my husband began to walk away from them, and wouldnt go back for several days, the periods of time becoming longer and longer, and stuck to this until they began to realise that if they did not change their attitude toward him he one day would leave for good. By the time he was neglecting them for weeks at a time they began to take him seriously. I mention this because from what you say it seems that you are in a similar situation, the family will side with her regardless so it is not possible for you to come out on top by arguing with them. Try depriving them of their common "enemy" so to speak (that is probably too strong a word), tell them how you feel when they go too far and then leave, and do so until they get the message that unles they start to treat the two of you as equals you will no longer take a part. Strangely once my husband started doing this the bond between them was no longer so strong, because they could only argue with each other!
Hope this is helpful
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2009): Sibling Rivalry....aghhhhhhhhhhhhh
horrible situation to find yourself in, and it gets worse often....if it is not confronted.
Parents can quite often be a part of it unknowing and are oblivious to it, but need to speak up in truth.
SYMBOLIC....
The little tots sat at the table and one NIPS the other under the table when mum ain't looking....you yell and do the same back, but mum only sees you nip and you get the telling off!
It all happened to me and i got the blame....but i had a jealous sister in law as well fueling , that helped my sisters rivalry...Brother got involved as well ..whole family ended up falling out for three years..guess who was the horned one?
THE INNOCENT. Please try and sort it out as soon as possible in a very understanding manner without accusations, really open up to both mum and sister.
I do sympathise on this one because it is so hard to prove that it is actually going on, and it escalates. My
good luck
via con dios.
P.S my sis and me and mum made up..brother ( half way ) sis in law....never.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2009): Well I have 6 sisters so I know where you are coming from there are always intances where some of them will gang up on others. That is when you tell both of them to shut the F up and leave you alone. Tell your sister that she is jealous of you and that is why she has to have a story that tops yours. Tell her that even though you and your boyfriend may have problems it is the best sex you have ever had in your life, that'll shut her up. If they give you any problems just point out their flaw of not being able to accept you for who you and that you are a better person then they are because you don't do those things to them. Or just tell them to go to hell and walk out of the room.
...............................
|
