A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been in love with my best friend for the best part of three years, Our relationship is THE best... We hang out alot, we do sport together and we are very open with each other, buy I know I should give up and move on but I can't... He is straight, mostly.. well thats the one side I have never been able to read from him.Just some background stuff... When I started to fancy him in the begining I was open about it and before I felt anything serious I admitted my feelings for him just so he knows, not expecting a relationship or anything but I always remained hopeful if he ever was that way in the slightest. Then a few weeks in when the tension settled he used to flirt... Or what I call flirting. He once hugged me from behind and held onto my waist when it was the end of school and no one was there, Any time we was in the same class together he wouldnt stop looking over and smiling or acting like an idiot (he loves to be center of attention) and silly things that I read as flirting, so I always thought he was Bi or something but wouldnt say anything. Now this is where I am a little ashamed... He had a long line of unsuccesfull girlfriends, like 10 or so girls that only lasted for about 2 weeks/a month and he could tell that I got jealous and I said to him again that I still liked him and probobly will until we are seperated for a long enough time, well he teased me a little bit about that but in a nice cheaky way and it made me smile to see how silly I was for getting jealous.Now another year after that he has been on and off with his girlfriend and I do get insainly jealous, I think he still knows I like him at least or if not he really is more of an idiot then I thought he was. We started fighting like a unorthadox couple.. He would say something out of order I would ignore him and then he would go crazy hyper to get my attention again to say sorry and of course every time I forgave him.I had a dream about him, I was shouting at him saying stuff like he needs to stop messing me about if he doesnt like me and why does he not keep my feelings in consideration... something silly like that... but then he kissed me and I woke up. That wasnt the first dream about him I had other dreams when I was depressed a year back Now I know that is long winded for this question but I honestly dont know what to do. I want to get over him before we go off too college so I can try and have a romantic life outside of thinking of him.But I have no idea how, I got over him in the summer but then when he saw me he came running up and hugged me and said I missed you which just makes me fall for him over. Ive tried avoiding him or spending as little as possible time with him but he thinks somethings wrong and pesters me untill I "forgive" him for what ever he has done. I think I seriously are out of options. Any advice?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (10 September 2011):
 You know you are gay and so does he know he is bi or even entirely gay. His relationships with girls certainly do not last, do they? At least you are honest about being gay. Even if you feel conflicted at times.
I think he does like you but he is too conflicted to come out and say so yet. So he just does some flirting. That is unfair to you.
You do not need to feel a little ashamed about your reaction to his "girl/dating" problems. He has chosen his path in life and you already know your intentions to be gay. Maybe one day he will feel more able to be more open.
As a gay young man if you get plenty of family support then that is good, but if you do not then have you also explored the great support available in the the UK from: .....
www.bgiok.org.uk
www.queeryouth.org.uk
www.ukgaynews.org.uk/
.....
You also mentioned that you were once very depressed. Before you go to college just touch base with your doctor for a medical to ensure that you are in top shape for college. Because college is a big and exciting move. But depression is a very serious illness and you should never just ignore any depression. This illness is not your fault. But it is an illness and no less an illness than if any other organ in your body was not well at this point in time.
Once again England has some great support that you can access including free support from: ...
www.samaritans.org/
www.youngminds.org.uk
.....
Try to develop some hobbies and interests that allow you to meet other people and interact with other people. All you can do is distance yourself from this guy who you like while he is only willing to tease and flirt. Once you have accessed some of the support above and developed more inner confidence and tries to develop some new skills you may find the offers from other gay guys start to happen. At College. You have a great opportunity ahead of you. Enjoy it. Try not to 'self medicate' with alcohol or "other" at College if you ever start to feel over-whelmed by events or happenings. Instead hot foot it to the Doctor.
And try to find opportunities to take up a sport, preferably an outdoor one where you get the exhileration from physical activity and the goodness of the sun on you and the healthy air in your lungs to balance all the time you spend studying indoors.
This guy who has consumed so many of your thoughts and yoru time is not the only guy you will love in your life. Someone far more delightful is probably getting ready to go to back to College or University as you read this.
Good Luck with your studies and your life ahead.
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