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I am furious right now. He doesn't mean a thing to me, so why does he have this power to make me feel even more miserable about my life?

Tagged as: Dating, Teenage, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (1 February 2009) 1 Answers - (Newest, 1 February 2009)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I warn you. This will be long, but I need help on this situation, and I'll try to make it short. I am a Senior in High School, my old high school closed down, and I transfered to a new school. For three days, I dated this guy who was bisexual. There was nothing between us, no sparks whatsoever, and the other reason? I was still in love with a teacher who taught me last year. Well, the teacher is not the point of the story.

This guy, let's call him *Matt, has some serious issues. His father beat him to a pulp, his mother insulted him and neglected him. He has attempted suicide at least six times, has seen five different therapists, and three different psychiatrists. Well, one night he made fun of me, and he went too far. I attempted suicide and ended up in the hospital for a week. Then just a few weeks later, he provoked me, so I said some nasty things to him. I said, "Looks like I'm going to die tonight." He replies, "Oh that's nice." I cried, and cried. The next day, I brought a knife to school,but I couldn't kill myself so I asked my best friend to kill me.

I was sent to the hospital, but they discharged me because I was 18. A week later, i still wasn't talking to Matt, but he showed up at my door. He gave my Will and Grace DVDs back, and admitted to me that he was an ass that night. I told him that he lost my trust, and that we couldn't be friends anymore. I mean, how would that be possible when he's nice one day and an ass the next? He understood, but Matt was best friends with my two best friends, *Martin and *Lila. So he was sort of a package deal. I tried to deal with it, and just ignore him but I couldn't. His very presence provokes me. Yesterday, I went out with Martin and Lila at the mall. Of course Martin just had to ask Matt to tag along. I couldn't ignore him at all. So I said some things to him, like "Fatass." "How much has Matt gained? 1,000 pounds!" Before that, he called me an anorexic bitch, because I told him, "What a man. Grow a pair!" He said I was being hostile, which may be true. It's just that I don't think he should get away with it - making me feel horrible about myself everytime we hang out. It's unbelivable! I even told him repeatedly how he made me feel! He knew he was offending me, but he didn't stop!

I signed on to facebook later that night, and he messaged me. He wrote, "Why couldn't you just ignore me! I would be perfectly happy with ignoring your existence. Leave me the fuck alone. I won't put up with your bullshit anymore!"

He also said that my dreams to become an actress, singer, and reopen my old high school were foolish and unrealistic. He said that I would become a desolate shell, and end up uncared for by the world. He said that I'm a self-satisfied bitch who just starves for attention. NOT TRUE. MY DREAMS ARE REALISTIC. THEY JUST TAKE A LITTLE HARD WORK TO GET THERE.

I am furious right now. He doesn't mean a thing to me, so why does he have this power to make me feel even more miserable about my life?

He said he would DANCE ON MY GRAVE. What is that? Really? That is horrible.

I hate that he thinks just because he's been through more shit that my shit doesn't measure up to his. We've all been through stuff. I'm sorry that happened to him, but he was cruel to me.

What do I do?

*Names have been changed.

View related questions: anorexic, best friend, discharge, facebook, spark

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A male reader, The old Man? United States +, writes (1 February 2009):

The old Man? agony auntMy suggestion is for you to stay away from him.

Perhaps the reason he gets to you is that he attacks you on very personal levels. It doesn't matter that you don't like him or not, but it's what he is saying that hurts you.

Something that probably makes no sense to you right now, may after a few years ring true. But you are at an age where other peoples words and opinions can still ruin your day.

I realize you think that he is a "package deal" with your friends, but if they should see and understand what it is that he does to you. Though it may seem unfair to you, but next time you and your friends arrange to go somewhere, ask if he is going. If so, maybe it's best if you sit that one out.

My best advice is to keep away from him! Friends accent and highlight our personalities, not bring us down. If they can't see what is going on, or refuse to do anything about it, maybe it's in your better interest to find new friends.

Suicide is nothing to joke with or play around about. There is no one in this world that is worth allowing you to feel that way about yourself! You have to worry about you! If he makes you feel that way, stay away from him.

Joe~

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