A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I need advice and please bear with me and this long post! So my boyfriend (I'll call him Oliver) and I have been together for 5 months now and we're very happy together. He's sweet as can be and he treats me like a princess. My ex (I'll call him Chris), and I have a very complicated relationship. Chris and I met on Tinder back in the fall of 2014 and it was just a little harmless fling. We texted and snapchated each other constantly, and it was pretty on and off between us. We never met up and I eventually started dating someone else (I'll call him Mike) and we fell out of touch for a couple months. When Mike and I were on a break, and my first year of college was about to start, Chris and I ended up getting back in touch in the fall of 2015. Our colleges are next to each other so we met by chance at a block party and instantly hit it off. Then began our on and off relationship. Neither of us really knew what we wanted so we kept getting together, having a great time, then breaking up and trying to see other people. I eventually ended up dating Mike for a few more months, while keeping in touch with Chris. Mike and I ended up breaking up and I instantly ran to Chris. He was there for me, but with his busy schedule I felt neglected so I began talking to my current boyfriend, Oliver. At the time, I wasn't in a relationship with Chris or Oliver and I had been talking to and going on dates with both of them to see who I liked more. I ended up choosing Oliver over Chris, which hurt him a lot so we stopped talking. I tried to completely cut him out of my life by deleting his number and blocking him on social media, but it was too much for me. Fast forward five months, I'm in a very happy relationship with Oliver, but recently Chris and I started talking again. He's now in a relationship as well, but in a stupid and drunken mistake, we ended up flirting big time via texts and snapchat. I don't even know how it happened, but we both recognized the fact that we both are in relationships, but we couldn't help but sext, because it felt so right. I realized that I'm still in love with Chris, which is really confusing to me! We ended up talking afterwards and we decided that was a one time thing and that we wanted to try to work on our friendship, because no matter what, we both really care about each other. I feel absolutely awful about sexting Chris behind Oliver's back. So I need some help: Should I tell Oliver about what happened between me and Chris? This man treats me like a princess and I'm afraid of how he'll take the news. Should I still be friends with Chris? I really love this man and can't stand the idea of completely cutting him out of my life. Should I leave Oliver for Chris? I just need some advice, because my head is so confused right now.
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male
reader, donutsoup +, writes (13 July 2016):
You sound like a married girl I dated once. I was totally head over heels in love with this chick, and she would constantly say she was so confused and didn't know what to do. She would burst into tears because she didn't want to lose me, but wouldn't leave her husband. The husband finally discovered what was going on and filed for divorce. I finally pushed her away to the point of leaving me for another guy who she worked with that was married.
You need to get your shit together and not be in a relationship, you are only serving your own needs at other people's expense.
A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (10 July 2016):
 If you loved Oliver, Chris wouldn't even be in the equation.
If you don't know what to do then you need to break up with Oliver because it's not fair on him if he's treating you well and you're going behind his back.
If you decide to stay with Oliver then you need to remove Chris from your life and stick to it, because you know you can't trust yourself not to contact him.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (8 July 2016):
 I fully agree with Honeypie. You should not be with anyone.
You take to relationships like an out of control spender takes to credit cards. They impulse buy, rack up lots of debt, then toss them aside without a thought as to how the debt will be paid back. Then they wonder how they ruined their credit, are locked out of home and car purchases, and wonder why they got to this position.
You can't be impulsive with relationships, or you will destroy your life. If you can't respect the relationships you are in, you should not be in them. This is worse than irresponsibility with money, because you will hurt real people. Your actions could devastate lives. What if you have a child by a guy, and destroy that child's relationship with his father because your cheating drives his dad away?
What if this Oliver is a wonderful guy who is devastated by what you're doing to him, and grows to mistreat women because of what you did? Your actions have consequences.
You also lack empathy. What would happen if a guy treated you like you are treating them? You find a guy, fall in love, and he is the one, only to find out that he has been keeping contact with his exes and random people.
If you lack the emotional discipline and maturity to respect monogamy, then you should not be in any sort of relationship unless it's an FWB with clear understanding that there are no strings.
You get out of this love triangle by ending it with Oliver, who hasn't done anything to you and whose relationship you have already destroyed, though he doesn't know it yet.
Then you take some time dealing with your low self-esteem, not needing the attention of men to the point where you are hurting people indiscriminately. You work on emotional discipline. Focus on other areas of your life. Become what you would expect from a guy - meaning a woman of integrity and honor who is worthy of trust, even in the face of inevitable temptation.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 July 2016):
 You break up with your current BF, because you obviously don't love and respect him as much as you claim.
And then you decide if that EX really was worth losing your current over.
Maybe this would be a good time for you to be single a little while and think on what transpired?
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (8 July 2016):
 You *can't* be friends with Chris until you're over him. Take at least 6 months of no contact and don't contact him until you don't care if you do or not.As for Oliver, you let him go. Whether you tell him or not, you leave him to find someone loyal.You need to be single for at least 6 months and to correct your moral compass; you *can* stop yourself from cheating, but you didn't. Chris was also in a relationship, so I don't think you should trust him either.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2016): These things usually work themselves out. Being dishonest and playing with the feelings of other people has a price. You are greedy and like drowning yourself in attention. This is at the expense of people who are trusting you.
As fate, divine intervention, and justice will have it; you'll get busted, and all will leave you alone to think about the feelings you have hurt. All because you can't be loyal and control yourself. These are life-lessons we all learn. You have to learn to EARN and maintain trust.
Explain why you feel you should go and cheat on someone, then suddenly tell them about it? You shouldn't have done it in the first place. Now it's about how awful YOU feel?
Crushing feelings of another person to ease YOUR guilt?
If you do confess, apologize and face your consequences.
It's not all about you.
You shouldn't feel bad after the fact, you should feel so bad about what could happen and value trust so much, that in itself is a deterrent. Nothing wrong should happen to begin with, because your loyalty is a demonstration of your true love. You talk about how good they are to you.
How good are you to these guys? Not just talking about sex!
Treating you like a princess is foolish. He should be as good to you, as you are to him. No more and no less.
You just stop cheating. Plain and simple. Enough with the "woe is me, I can't help myself" drama. That isn't the least bit true. It's an excuse.
WiseowlE gives it to you straight, so you'll understand the value of trust, and how important the feelings of people who care for you are. I'm not going to sugarcoat it for you.
You're very young, and now is the best time to teach you.
You do not maintain friendship with someone you've cheated with. You set things straight by giving them up altogether. Even if you don't decide to do it, what goes around comes around. You'll lose them all. You'll also feel your karma when someone does the same to you. You are very young and starting off on the wrong foot. Greedy for attention. The lesson will come when you are suddenly alone. Not much people can say that will make you do the right thing, it's the consequences of your actions that will set you straight, my dear.
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A
female
reader, miss frank +, writes (8 July 2016):
Oh dear. This sounds very messy indeed. I would say one thing- poor Oliver. You are treating him badly, and you only seem to value how he treats you well...which a bot comes over as if what you love is his attention. Or any mans really... Feeling neglected and going to another man etc.
The relationship with Chris you describe when it existed as on off. My opinion? Be on your own for a while, even if its a few months. You don't seem to know what you want, you ate behaving disrespectfully and cheating on your partner, and actually this Chris guy sounds no prize either.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (8 July 2016):
You never go back to what you have lost. Always move forward and onward to better things...hopefully.
I am sure you would not like you current boyfriend to do the same thing to you right?
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