A
female
age
,
*usievee
writes:I have a serious problem. I have been with my boyfriend for three years now. His children say I am a horrible person and not good enough for their father. They have made it clear that I should not be in his life. They are mean, rude and disrespectful. They are 14 and 19, Never have I felt so abused and hurt. Should I stay or should I go. Of course, he says he loves me, however they are constantly causing problems. Please advise, as I am broken hearted. Reply to this Question
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reader, susievee +, writes (29 October 2009):
susievee is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI updated my info for those who took their time to answer me. I appreciate your prompt and insightful answers. If you could read my update and respond further I would really appreciate it. Your obviously a smart and intelligent crowd.
Thanks again
Susie
A
female
reader, susievee +, writes (27 October 2009):
susievee is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your responses. Just to clarify the situation they have been separated for 5 years. The eldest daughter decided to leave both her parents at 15, long before I was on the scene. The fourteen year old lives with the mother. She has never accepted any of her fathers relationships with anyone else, however the mother does nothing to encourage her healing process, she perpetuates the situation. I have lived with my boyfriend for three years and nothing changes. I would love to take the daughter out for a day, and have made many attempts to establish something. I am emotionally exhausted from all the antics from the mother, mostly, cause yeah they are kids, but at 19 I expect some decency. The whole situation is disfunctional, and I am the black sheep. I do not want anything from anyone, just to live with some sort of peace and maybe an unstressed partner. Now she is going after spousal support, and claiming the oldest needs money for college. That is great, I say give her the money just tell her to leave you alone and let you have a life. It isn't worth it. I realize that having any chance of a mature or adult relationship with any members of his family is futile. That has been made clear so many times. The mother was pregnant two weeks after she met my bf and I believe he believed he would do right by marrying her. At one point there was a question as to was the father of the eldest daughter. I am just tierd and there seems to be no end. Thanks for all you advice and support.
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A
female
reader, welshlass86  +, writes (27 October 2009):
They are teenagers! They have obviously had a tough time of it emotionally - Theyre parents marriage/relationship breaking down? A mothers death? Not ever knowing theyre mother due to abandonment? You havent given enough information here about where/what's happened to the mother!
The teenagers are probably feeling abit defensive, protective of their mothers role and perhaps see you trying to take that space in they're lives and they dont like it.
They may also fear (if theyre father is their only parent around or available to them) that you are taking the fathers attention and love away from them and it may scare them.
These could be reasons why they are rebelling and being mean and disrespectful. Have you spoken to your boyfriend about his children and discussed ways to calm his children, or ways to show his children you have good intenetions for their father and them, and you're no threat to their family unit.
Maybe try talking directly to the children - take them on a day out - try and bond with them - find out what they like doing and indulge them abit. They may see you in a different light if you bond with them.
if your partner loves you, and he can see his children are stressing you, he should do everything he can to help the situation. get yourself and his children all together on a day out or a holiday to bond. talk to him!
hope this helps. good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2009): You don't really say what the cause of the problem is, or whether you live together or whether they live with him, etc. Did something happen to start the problems? Is their mother perhaps encouraging the trouble in the background? He's caught between them and you, but he needs to grow some balls and tell them to lay off of you.
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