A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, does anyone know the signs of a relationship on its way out please?Its just i am feeling more and more unloved as the weeks go by. For example my boyfriend and i have moved in together, thinking i would get to see more of him, however i am finding that i am more alone (or at least i am feeling that way). I don't know what to say or do to change this, i love him and don't want us to drift apart. But i am begining to feel like we are more friends with benifits than lovers. He tells me he loves me but he doesn't show it like he used to. Are we over?
View related questions:
moved in, unloved Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2008): You are obviously burdened by the household duties, living with someone should mean shared responsibilities so suggest sharing the chores, to begin with. You may have needed to know each other better before moving together, I must say, though! Not trying to address this problem by this point will make you resent him more and more, as you already are seeing him as a second class resident but don't dare to provoke him to a constructive talk. I think this is because you are afraid he will leave, or afraid it won't change the situation, which may be a sign you are too reliant on him. You shouldn't be afraid to discuss this, as you must know his position, how he is willing to contribute to the growth of your relationship, if he has other concerns that make him seem distant, etc. When you bring up the problem, try to come with suggestions on how to solve it (invite him to do the same), planning special days, agreeing on a day a week that you spend more time together, agreeing on activities in common that you would both enjoy, etc. We can't know if this is a phase you are going through while adapting to cohabitation or if you are not suited for each other. You will need to be the judge of that, in due time, seeing how your relationship develops.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your answers guys. Bitterblue, my boyfriend isn't always out (he only goes out for work and university). But i feel like i am more a friend than a girlfriend because when he is at home with me it is as though i am not there. I know he has commitments that are more important than me but at the moment everything seems to be more important. We have been living together for just under a month. I wonder if he actually wanted to move in with me sometimes because he had a better life at home than with me (cooked meals, a nice house rent free and he got his washing done for him). Maybe he is regretting moving in with me? I have asked him if we could do more together in our spare time but i don't know if he wants to spend more time with me. I don't want to push him. We cuddle at night but i feel like i have to practically drag him onto the sofa. He used to want to be close to me now its like he wants to distance himself.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2008): You don't clarify to what extent your feeling is confirmed by the facts. The time you spend apart can be well justified by different work schedules, we can't know? Have you discussed this with him in order to set up a plan so that you spend more time together? Have you moved in recently? It is normal to have a sense of awkwardness the first time you live with someone and see him daily, as you gradually adjust to life in common. Firstly try to solve this difference, then you will have time enough to worry in case your efforts to adapt to your living together are not repaid in due time. Ask him if he feels the same, talk on how you can better the situation, without any reclaims. You may be surprised he may have not noticed, or doesn't thoroughly agree, as part of the things you want to change he may be pleased with. You'll not always be at the same page. But try to work together so that you both feel cosy, and to achieve this start by voicing your concerns, calmly and gently.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (26 September 2008):
 Sweetie, this guy is a waste of time... he is using your feeling for him to get what he wants... Sex!! Sounds like he is happy with the situation and I am sure he will never fall in love with you. It sounds like you are a friend with benefits....
Honeygirl
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2008): My boyfriend is exactly the same, although he did tell me when we first got together that he liked his own space. I think the key is to make your own life with things that make you happy, don't be too reliant on your boyfriend to make you happy. I think when the honeymoon phase of a relationship ends, then boyfriends sadly do become rather complacent at times and think they don't need to show you affection any more. He may just need a gentle kick up the backside. At the end of the day though you can't change anyone and you have to think about what you can put up with as this may be the way he is.
...............................
|
