A
female
age
30-35,
*ovelyconfused
writes:I am so confused and lost. I am a woman, and I currently have a girlfriend, we've been together for three years, we met in college, and we've been through hell and back. The problem is, I have a huge crush on my older male co-worker. It's been almost a year since I've started working with him. I have never been this attracted to a man, and I never thought I would. I find myself thinking about him practically all day, and I've even had a couple dreams about him. I'm not even sure if he likes me in a romantic way. He is such a gentleman, and at times I feel like he may be attracted to me as well. Multiple times, we had very long eye contact, and I always look away first. He offers me rides whenever he gets the opportunity. He also has an "alter ego". One day I think he's into me, the next, he comes off rude. He'll make fun or joke about me or act like he's annoyed by me, but then he'll seem upset at me when I decide to avoid him for a few days. I really don't know what to do. Should I confront him completely? Try to avoid him as much as I can? (Which will be so hard for me). Should I be completely honest with my partner? Please help me !
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2014): if there is one thing you should do you should close one door before walking through the next one. You don't want to let two people on. They are not toys. If you love this girl then you will let her go. Cheating is not one way to go trust me I've been there. My girlfriend of 13 years led me on. She was afraid to let me go. She was afraid of what I would think when she wanted a man. So, she cheated. I was highly upset of course. I wish she had let me go earlier. There are times that I'm glad I walked away when I did. I have grown tremendously. Try not to leave the other party on. There's so much out there so don't hold any one back if you truly love someone set them free before you open that other door.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2014): It sounds like he has a crush on you. I mean I can only speak for myself but that's what I can be like. I'll have the confidence to maintain the eye contact, to flirt, to offer the lift home as a way of spending more time with the woman I like - but all the time there will be the nagging thought of 'does she actually like me or is it in my head?' This could explain why he can come across as standoffish at times, and why he appears rude. He might not want to seem obvious in his attraction. I think to crush this crush it might be best to confront it. People may say this is a bad idea but it worked for me in past experience. Bring up the whole thing in a casual way and then bombard him reminders that you are with someone and have no intention of breaking the trust in that relationship. A person of character would accept that and move on. I know when it happened to me the conversation killed off the attraction and we could carry on being friendly as co-workers but without any awkward 'moments'. I know people will say it's best to stay well away but if the two of you are already friends (and it sounds like you are) then you avoiding him without an explanation is only going to make him ask 'why?'. And then it will be out of your hands.
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