A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I am 38 years old male, I have 2 girls, 11 and 8. I have 80% custody of my girls. About 8 months ago, my older daughter's soccer coach , hurt herself while playing soccer, she is 19 years old. I am a physical therapy doctor. She didn't have any insurance at that time, so I helped her out in her recovery. She was very nice to me always and during the summer while she was looking for a job, I asked her if she could watched my girls, and she did, and it was nice, girls really liked her. In summer, I used to see her 3 or 4 times a week because she was helping me with the girls. Since end of August , I have not seen her too much, may be just 3 or 4 times. But, I talked to her through texting almost everyday, sometimes for 3 or 4 hours, as late as 12.30 am. About 2 months ago, I started to realize that i have feelings for her. Through texting we talk about everything, she have told me about her relationship in the past and I have told her about my bad experiance with my ex - wife. I was not planning to fall in love with someone ever, so I told her that about 3 weeks ago, after that one day she told me that her and her ex are becoming friends again.I have seen her at the soccer game 3 times last month and every time i see her, i get butterfly in my stomach. i am so confuse, my questions are:1. Age difference, I am 38 , she is 19, too much?2. I know, i like her a lot, and i have feelings for her, but does she likes me, how do I tell?3. May be she is nice to me and talking to me because I helped her through her recovery and she is just trying to be nice to me.4. On Thanksgiving, she sent me a Thanksgiving card , where she sign her name, there was a symbol of heart on it.Pleas help, any question or suggestion is appreciated, i can't even sleep at night, I think about her all the time.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2008): Mr.Anonymous I am a stupid romantic.
I agree with everything else the other posters said.She is starting her life.She is way too young for you.
But she deserves to make the final choice you see.What if she really liked you.She is above the legal age limit I suppose.
I also understand you don't want to loose her as a friend.Trouble is because you have been hurt by your ex-wife or may be you are a naturally shy person you are giving her all the wrong signs.
You have told her that you won't fall in love ever again.Strike one against you.
You waved to her,You didn't go and talk to her.Strike two against you.
You have been very kind to her by helping her with her recovery.If I understand you right,you don't want to take advantage of your kindness.
Kindness is a great start to a relationship be it friendship or love.
Me and lovestinks are the only people who think she likes you.
Why don't you start by being friends with her.Start by mildly complimenting her.flirting with her.Compliments can be given to make a young lady feel beautiful.They are harmless.
I have a strong feeling you don't flirt.Is flirting possible for you?
I suggest you take it on from there.Then things naturally happen...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know, thats what I am afraid of, she is just starting her life. I think it will be unfair for her, if I ask her out. In my opinion, right thing to do is to let her go, but at the same time, my heart is not letting me. I have not felt butterfly in my stomach for years now after looking at a girl. Lately, I am so nervous around her, I can't even talk to her in person. Last week, i seen her at a game and I looked at her and wave at her before the game, i didn't even go near her and say hi. I am also afraid, if i ask her and she say " no" then i don't want to loose her as a friend. I can talk to her even in the middle of night. She has always been there for me.
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A
male
reader, a_decent_1  +, writes (26 December 2008):
 Life is not simple dude.. We face difficult situations and become stronger every time.. You too will..
G'day
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you to everyone for the great comments! Heart is a funny thing. Why can't it be simple? Thank you, i will keep everyone posted!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2008): I agree with the first answerer. You should give her time, she's just started her life.
But I'm not saying that nothing's possible. Look at Celine Dion. Her husband is 25 years older than her, and they are very happy, perhaps stabler than many couples who do not have an age gap.
Good luck with what you choose to do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you!
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A
male
reader, lovestinks +, writes (26 December 2008):
bro, wtf r u thinking ? ur 38 & she's only 19, chances are you may never get this opportunity to hook up again, what are u waiting for ? she's given you every signal, hell she might as well of given you a written inventation. She's talking to her ex b/f to see if you're going to compete for her. make ur move, if ur not gonna, give me her number, i'll freakin' do it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2008): If you won't be crushed if she says No,Can you ask her out for a cup of coffee clearly implying that this is a date?
Nothing ventured,Nothing gained.
I strongly go by intuition in most of the answers that I give.The fact that you said you were not planning to fall in love ever may have been a stop sign for her.
Age is not a big deal.As long as she is above the legal age limit there shouldn't be any issues.If you have been hurt by your ex wife and then you felt something for this young lady,she is at least worth a try don't you think?
Let her take the decision of whether she wants to go out with you and whether she is ready to take on a family.
I do suggest that you keep your kids out of this relationship.If you got 80% of the custody then definitely your ex wouldn't have made a great mom.At this point of time it would be cruel to show the kids some hope.
I hope you don't get hurt.All the best of peace,joy and happiness this season to you.
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A
male
reader, a_decent_1 +, writes (26 December 2008):
Yes i guess the age difference is too much.. You need to understand that she would just be 41 when you turn 60 .. And if not today, it would create problem at that time..
I would advice you to be good friends with her throughout your life and find yourself someone special who is around your age because if you don't , you would never forget her..
G'day
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you!
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (26 December 2008):
Well you could go out with her but you would be asking a lot. I mean you would basically be asking her to take on a family.
You would want a lot more of a stable grounded relationship while she would want to go out and have fun.
You would be thinking long term and it may not last that long, and that would hurt your girls as well.
If you want to date her then go for it but take it slowly and keep it away from your kids. Take it slowly and be aware that her family will in all probability not approve.
In my opinion she is old enough to make her own choice about your age but in some places she's not even old enough to drink.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2008): She's only 7 years older than your oldest daughter. Once your daughter grows, she may end up resenting her step mum could be her sister!
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou are right, That's what I think, its the right thing to do! Thank you for your time!
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