A
female
age
30-35,
*enna0727
writes:I am 19 years old and have only had one boyfriend, and really recently. I went out with him for about a month and broke up with him because he just acted too immature all the time. I was surprised that he went out with me because I am not the best looking and he was very good-looking, but he used his looks too much to get "ahead," so much to the point it drove me crazy after a while!Anyway, whenever I talk to guys I am very attracted to (and THAT doesn't happen very often because I avoid it at all costs) I feel like I look very unattractive and my self-confidence drops like crazy. It also seems that they may have thought I was pretty at first (I can tell by some of the looks) and then I start talking and they seem to not be as interested any more. Please keep in mind that I am a very good, nice person; I get along with others well. Do you think I could be intimidating OR do you think that my self-consciousness is so obvious that it drives them away? I am not always happy with my looks, not in the slightest bit. There are some days where I think I look fine and others where I think I look downright UGLY. Like I just don't look like other girls my age.Nearly all of my friends have wonderful relationships and here I am, 19 years old and I've only had one boyfriend and it flopped in a month's time. I just hope that I will find someone SOME day... it really worries me sometimes. I often also make a fool of myself in front of guys because I just don't know what to say...How can I get over these self-confidence issues? What do you think I'm doing to drive guys away?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2008): 1. Recognize your insecurities. What does that voice in the back of your mind say? What makes you ashamed of yourself? This could be anything from acne, to regrets, or friends at school. Whatever is making you feel unworthy, ashamed, or inferior, identify it, give it a name, and write it down.
2. Talk about it with friends and loved ones. Wear it on your sleeve. Each day you should chip away at it; wear it down. There's no quick fix. Get to the root of the problem; focus on it and understand that you need to resolve each issue before you can move on.
3. Remember that no one is perfect. Even the most confident people have insecurities. At some point in any of our lives, we may feel we lack something. That is reality. Learn that life is full of bumps down the road.
4. Identify your successes. Everyone is good at something, so discover the things at which you excel, then focus on your talents. Give yourself permission to take pride in them. Give yourself credit for your successes. Inferiority is a state of mind in which you've declared yourself a victim. Do not allow yourself to be victimized. Express yourself, whether it's through art, music, writing, etc. Find something you enjoy. Everyone is born with talents and strengths. You can develop and excel in yours. If it's difficult to name two or three things you have some ability in or just plain love to do, think about things others do that you would like to do too and take some lessons or join an enthusiasts club. When you're following your passion, not only will it have a therapeutic effect, but you'll feel unique and accomplished, all of which can help build your self confidence. Plus, adding a variety of interests to your life will not only make you more confident, but it will increase your chances of meeting compatible friends!
1. Be thankful for what you have. A lot of the times, at the root of insecurity and lack of confidence is a feeling of not having enough of something, whether it's emotional validation, good luck, money, etc. By acknowledging and appreciating what you do have, you can combat the feeling of being incomplete and unsatisfied. Finding that inner peace will do wonders for your confidence.
2. Be Positive, even if you don't feel positive. Avoid self-pity, or the pity and sympathy of others. Never allow others to make you feel inferior--they can only do so if you let them. If you continue to loathe and belittle yourself, others are going to do and believe likewise. Instead, speak positively about yourself, about your future, and about your progress. Do not be afraid to project your strengths and qualities to others. By doing so, you reinforce those ideas in your mind and encourage your growth in a positive direction.
3. Look in the mirror and smile. Studies surrounding what's called the "facial feedback theory" suggest that the expressions on your face can actually encourage your brain to register certain emotions. So by looking in the mirror and smiling every day, you might feel happier with yourself and more confident in the long run.
4.Fake it. Along the same lines of smiling to make yourself feel happy, acting confident might actually make you believe it. Pretend you're a completely confident version of you; go through the motions and see how you feel
5. Stick to your principles. It might be tough, but if you don't have something you can believe in, you don't have anything. If you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything. No matter what's happened in your life, you can always lay claim to the fact that from this day forward, you've followed your principles to the best of your ability.
6. Help others. When you know you're kind to the people around you, and are making a positive difference in other people's lives (even if it's just being kinder to the person who serves you coffee in the morning), you'll know that you are a positive force in the world--which will boost your self confidence. Go volunteer twice a month at an elementary school. Bake something for your neighbor for no reason. Confidence that you have earned is the most long-lasting.
7. Stop worrying. What worries you today will be forgotten by you and people around you tomorrow. Can you remember what you were so worried about the same day the same time last week? If not, then you should not worry right now. You will not worry about it even one week from now.
8. Be yourself. You cannot be the shadow of any man, either distance or near man, you are an individual person, you must live by yourself, forget the promises that men gave you several months ago, if he did not realize the promises is not the man for you.
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