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female
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anonymous
writes: Help!!! i always think my bf is checking out other girls and when he sees girls he's had a past with, i always think he's thinking about what they did together. even when it's just me and him i sometimes think he's thinking about other girls HELP!!! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2006): Sueh1 is correct when she says you have deep insecurities. These toxic feelings are only going to continually harm your chances at good, loving relationships, now and in the future, if you don't get it under control. But dear, I have to ask one question: Is your bf saying or doing anything...any little innuendos, hints at all....that is making you feel this insecure? I just ask that, because sometimes the problem is what is being said to you and if he's doing this..then this is his issue, not yours.
If he is not doing this, then this is your issue. Your insecurity comes from core belief that you are not worthy of his love. That you don't deserve his love for some reason. When one goes into a relationship, self-love and confidence is crucial. Your issues might be a result of not allowing yourself to trust. If you don't have trust in a relationship, you have nothing.
Another way of dealing with this, is to think of what you would say and do, if he were the one feeling insecure? Would you explain that there is no reason to feel that way, and be offended that he doesn't trust you. How would 'you' view his insecurities? It would bug you a lot, wouldn't it. You would think "Sheesh, what is his problem!?" Would you respect him for thinking this way?
So get this under control or it will severely damage your relationship. He knows other females, he's likely dated other females but 'who' is he focused on..now? Who is he with..now? So stop doing this to yourself, dear. Start working on this insecurity...you might need counselling if you can't do it on your own. But try just relaxing, have fun with this guy and enjoy the bounty of love you have to share with someone who who cares about you. Don't allow this insecurity to get irrational..because if he reads into it, he will take it as a lack of trust and neediness on your part. And that is what he won't like. So get this under control before you permanently sideline your happiness. Good luck and all the best to you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2006): Why are you putting yourself through this torture, everyone I know has a past. I even hate to say this but my mom had a past before she met my dad and she is pushing 67. Unless you met when you were both virgins then you both have a past. He is with you now because he wants to be. No one has a gun to his head forcing him to be with you so put these ideas to the back of yor mind. All men look just like you would if someone caught your eye but its a passing thought of wow then if some one asked you to discribe how they looked you probably wouldnt have a clue. For goodness sake he has had others before you doesnt mean he will have anymore, maybe he is happy with you and wants to settle down and grow old with you. You have to many insecurites and may be you need some councilling to get over previous hurts and rejections that you have had. Not all men are slime balls and im proof of that, i have a nice guy that took on me and my kids, so for your own sanity get the picture straight in your head get some councilling and have a very happy future good luck
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