A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I'm 18 years old and I've recently become involved with one of my guy friends. We've been friends for two years (I had a crush on him the whole time) and just recently we've gotten extremely close. As in, physically close as well as emotionally - he's even told me he loves me, and has for quite some time.Things are confusing me though. At the moment we're long distance, so things are very up in the air for us. It seems like we're a very non-official couple. We've never discussed actually dating exclusively, but with all the physical stuff and the "I love yous", it just seems strange to me. It's obvious we both have feelings for each other. When I tried to talk to him about it, I got a bit shy and said we'll just see where the road goes, but now I regret it.I'm seeing him again in a month, and I want things to be perfectly clear between us. I'm going off to college and so I really do need to know if I'm in an exlusive relationship or not. I want to ask him and talk about "us" but at the same time, I hate to be one of those pushy annoying girls. I don't want to scare him off either.What should I do? Any advice?
View related questions:
crush, long distance, shy Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2007): Hi there,
Asking where you are in a relationship will never come across as pushy or annoying to someone who cares about you, this is especially true in you case as this guys says he loves you.
Can you not talk to him before you see him, and just ask him? Having "that" conversation whereby you each agree that you are going out is one of the nicest ever as it is an official start to the relationship, it's something you should ask about and feel good towards.
You shouldn't be afraid of asking what the situation is with you both, you've stepped over the line of friendship and if he isn't going to mention anything, you should. I wouldn't say being this way would scare anyone that cared about you off. But without you saying anything, maybe he just thinks you want a "casual" encounter? You see how not communicating can cause confusion about what is going on in the other persons head? Talk to him if you are confused, he's the one person who can clear things up for you!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2007): Thanks for your reply. I know we're not in an exclusive relationship at the moment, what I mean is, I'd like to know for the future.
I am aware that I'm going to college and there will be plenty of dating opportunities. However, I've had feelings for this guy for two years, and I'm not going to give up now just as something has happened between us. And besides, it's not going to be long distance for a very long time. If we did date and there came a point where either of us wanted to see other people then I'll deal with that when it happens. At the moment, I just want to focus on him.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2007): Has he brought up the relationship talk? If he hasn't, you are not in an exclusive relationship. You are pretty young, and when you go off to college, you will probably have many opportunities to meet boys and date and will have more than one boyfriend in your young life.
Having a long distance relationship is very hard, and most allow for dating other people. Timing is really everything in relationships, and if you are living in different places and attending college, your lives are taking different paths....don't try to hang onto something that is not meant to last forever, but cherish the friendship and what it has taught you about yourself and what you look for in a dating partner.
Hope this has helped you, and generally it is best to let the guy bring up the talk as if you do it, it may seem that you are being pushy and clingy, so let him bring it up...if he did and you did not answer him, then bring it up again when you see him....but just be sure of what you are asking for realizing that you are off to school in a few short months....
...............................
|
