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anonymous
writes:
I would apperciate it if you could give me any advice about my problem via email.
My husband and I have been together for a year and a half. We really believe that we're just so perfect for each other in this planet and we are happy with our marriage life. But there is a problem we really want to get sorted, not very big though.
It is my husband. Sometimes he is lack of self-esteem and confindence about himself especially when the going gets tough and the pressure is on. That relates with a terrible experience he had when he was at school, which he used to be bullied for more than 5 years because of some skin problems (lots of spots) on his face.
It actally was a common problem for teens but his got pretty serious. Anyway it finally gets cured proprely. He's 28 now and looks absolutely fit and gorgeous. Actually he is a naturally very strong person both mentally and physically. He never give up for anything. But he has been affected by that horrible experience so much so that made him wasn't really love himself I think.
Because of his new job we have been moved to London from a country 4 months ago. We both hate the city life and really want to go back our place by the sea. That makes him very stressed. Another reason is he has got a really good job as a software developer which gives him a lot of pressures as well. He can be stressed out very easily and get overworried about things. But that is the person who he is I can't and I won't try to change him...all I was doing is talk to him and make him feel better.
The problem is every time when things go wrong or pressures build up,he starts to doubt himself and think I deserve the better person and push me away...That was really hurt. I understood why he was doing that to me and how he was feeling at the time. If he needs time to sort himself out I don't mind wating and giving him love and support consitantly. What really upset me is he tried to push me away and reject me work through all problems as a team firstly. He would sit down and listen afterwards though but the damage was done actally...that made me scared that I might lose him one day. What if I can take anymore. I really don't want that happen. I really don't want any insecurities in our relationship.
I knew we actally loved each other to pieces and I knew he tried to be positive all the time. I would love to do anything to help him get over the past...All I want to know is how can I do to help him in daily life? Any advice to him? How should I respond what if he is trying to push me away again?
Please help!!
Thanks a lot!!
Emma
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acne, bullied, self esteem Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2007): I know how you feel. I've been married to a gal for 17 years who has turned her life around by going to therapy for many years. She has realized that she's needed it for herself, to overcome deep family issues from her past. She has made tremendous progress, and she now has control of her fears and anxieties.I believe that your husband needs to find someone to talk to, or perhaps you may need to take the initiative and find ways of dealing with his behavior with a professional. If you continue without help, anger and resentment will build in you. I am sure your husband is well aware of how he treats you (and himself), but he may be afraid to confront the roots of it. You will need to encourage this exploration in a loving manner. Best of luck,
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2005): Emma,I know how you feel. I've been married to a gal for 17 years who has turned her life around by going to therapy for many years. She has realized that she's needed it for herself, to overcome deep family issues from her past. She has made tremendous progress, and she now has control of her fears and anxieties.I believe that your husband needs to find someone to talk to, or perhaps you may need to take the initiative and find ways of dealing with his behavior with a professional. If you continue without help, anger and resentment will build in you. I am sure your husband is well aware of how he treats you (and himself), but he may be afraid to confront the roots of it. You will need to encourage this exploration in a loving manner. Best of luck,F
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