A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I are at odds. He is very secure. He has led a life like James Bond while I raised his two children in a small town. He has recently connected emotionally/physically with his love in 2010 from 50 years as I passively watched it unfold. We had a strong marriage I thought! He erased me in second place in two days time. They talked without acknowledging my presence, held hands during the class picture and kissed goodbye and he said this was nothing, it was fifty years ago! He fooled me good.I"ve had a wonderful lifetime with him and I don't feel it counts. I was totally invisible to him at this party with her. He completely ignored me on purpose or by accident and he refuses to accept any blame for my feelings. Help. Thanks. Desperate. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (16 June 2011):
 I see something a little different.
Up until that event, you were happy and secure with your marriage, right?
I can understand how much it would be to be hurt/ignored, but as you mentioned you witnessed this passively. You could have stepped up in that moment and introduced YOURSELF
"Nice to meet you, IM Hubby's Wife". He might have become alerted right THEN that you felt ignored.
Your husband was insesitive, but you were there. None of this was in secret.
He saw his old sweetheart. Has there been any connection between them BEFORE this event or AFTER? Was there anything MORE than a handheld in a picture and a kiss?
What do you mean they connected emotionally and physically? By that hand hold and kiss? By the fact that he was glad to see her?
He can ONLY be responsible for his actions. He is not EVER responsible for your feelings. Only you can control that.
I believe he made a hurtful mistake and was suprised to see his old love interest from 50 years ago. It must have been stunning, like going back in a time machine. What is wrong for him to be HAPPY to see her? Just because he married you, does not mean all his feelings from the past dissapeared. He is FAITHFUL to you, right? What he did, does not dismiss or devalue your marriage, you are the one doing that, not him.
DO not let 2 days of hurt feelings dismiss your marriage. He is probably looking at you thinking YOU should be stronger than that.
He did not cheat on you. He was looking back for a little bit and then turned towards YOU.
Talk to him about how being ignored suprised you and hurt you. Be responsible for your emotions. Learn to forgive him.
Best Wishes.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2011): Hi I read the last post you sent that was more clear than this one- you recently went to a reunion with your husband and his old flame from 50 years ago and she was all over him vice versa.Going on what you said the last time I honestly think you need to put your foot down with your husband and tell him he was bang out of order and needs to accept he was in the wrong! Have they spoken to one another since? If so, nip that in the bud now! If not then let your husband know you are not happy at what he did but that you will let it drop this time so long as he no longer has any contact with this woman!Your husband is in the wrong and don't let him convince you otherwise.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2011): I'm sorry I don't understand if he held hands at the reunion or 50 years ago?
Either way it sounds rude to ignore your presence.
It seems you need to be firm with him and say that you feel taken for granted especially because you have been loyal!
Ask him how he would feel if you carried on with someone at a re-union.
I normally don't like tit for tat but in this case I am getting a clear picture of someone who needs a little bit of a wake up. Put on your nicest outfit, look your best and get some male attention (by that I mean just looks).
And remind him of why he married you.
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