A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Husband has new male friend - what's his intentions?My husband of five years has a male friend (he is married also) that he met at his new job. We recently moved to a new area and he says he is his only friend. They talk at least once a day, calling each other on their cell phones. (He even had a special tone and his picture comes up when he calls).We have gone out socially with with the them as couples, but only to places my husband and him like. I really do not care for him, as he is a drinker and is not my type of friend. My husband says that he (his new friend) is funny and cool and he likes him. I have told him several times that I think this friendship is a bit excessive and am concerned about HIS intentions. He tells him personal information and complains about his wife to him. He tells him he wished he had a relationship like ours. He sends him pictures and brings him food. They often go smoke together in his car or at the park (as smoking is prohibited on company property). He calls him "my little buddy" and he calls him "buddy". For Christmas and her birthday he insisted on buying him designer suits and picking up high-class champagne and wines for him. Everytime we travel he asked him to bring him back something, and he does. He even calls him when we are on trips. He says he hates to talk to him in front of me as it makes him uncomfortable. He has told him that he acts differently when I am around, and that he doesn't think I treat him well. I am very upset about this and we seem to fight about it daily. He feels I am just being jealous and he should be able to have any friend he chooses. I have agreed to let him be friends because he would be resentful if I didn't. I feel I am in a no win situation. If he keeps going with the friendship, I hurt, and if I insist he end it, he will be angry with me and I will still hurt. Any ideas on what to do?Thanks, Donna
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female
reader, kirsty1988 +, writes (3 January 2009):
Intentions?
Well, If you had a friend like him and acted that way would it be any different? We have gender stereotypes, girls are perceived in friendships as "face to face" women sit across from each other, chat, show emotions etc men are "side by side" show no emotions and stand next to each other. This is the 21st Century and men do show emotions in front of their friends. Some men have different views on friendships. I think what your husband has with his friend is innocent and he's just found a guy he clicks with. Imagine your best friend, tell all your secrets to, gossip, ring each other. If he had "intentions" he wouldnt be so obvious about how much he likes him. I mean I found out my long term bf had been sleeping with me...had no idea!!...his "intentions" were well hidden.
Don't worry about it, it's just a little bit of the green eyed monster in you.
xx
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