A
female
age
41-50,
*hiks
writes:my husband watched porn after we had sex the other night. before we had our son we i always used to ask him sometimes argue about the fact that we dont get intimate.he would say so what big deal if i watched porn all men do it. i have always initiated everything. he never has. he never seems to care if i need something. even though i would say it to him i would like to get intimate tonight. he would always make excuses saying he is tired or not feeling well. then i would find out he has been watching porn. after our son was born, i neglected him didnt initiate anything for months and he started saying oh we should add some spice inour marriage. he came to me when it was his birthday. thats it. and when we went to B and B for our anniversary. he initiated but i said i am tired he goes oh we should try more often and i gave in coz i want this marriage to work. when we got back home. same thing started he stopped coming to me. i would initiated. and recently i walked on him he was watching porn after we had sex just an hr ago. i looked up the history he searched for perfect body tight and perfect butt. younger girls stripping, grid girls. i just had a baby and i have lost 6 kilos. and still loosing. only a few to go to get back in my usual shape. i couldnt sleep that night. coz i always was conscious about my body. more even after my baby was born.i felt he wasnt visually satisfied that night and had to see some perfect bodies to please himself again. i feel disgusted. i am always taking good care of myself.he is overweight and doesnt care.he lives like he is single. sleeps in the other room saying baby wakes him up. i take care of him 24/7.cook n clean . i am exhausted and still try to keep our sex life alive.but he goes and does things like this and it breaks my heart. i dont feel like undressing in front of him i know now he doesnt like the look of me.
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female
reader, shiks +, writes (22 September 2010):
shiks is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni have confronted him many times and he says sorry and does it again. i am tired of arguing about this issue. now he says that its a man thing and so what? he said last time to give him space and let him be .
i know what attracts him and i have bought those costumes and i told him before that i have them just waiting to get back in shape to try it out and fulfil his fantasies. i have cried about these issues before argued wrote emails to him so that i can express myself when he is not in front of me. i have spoken to him when we both are calm. he apologises and get backs to it secretly.
once i was about to walk out and he begged me to stay. saying he cant live without me. but i cant live with this either.
i am writing this and realizing that this wont end and that i am foolish to be here.
thanks for ur replies.
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (22 September 2010):
 Listen, you are not the problem here. It's not because he doesn't like how you look. He is depressed and completely addicted to porn to the point where it's interfering with his marriage. It's an extremely selfish compulsion, and he has no desire to get help with it.
Think of it in terms of food or drink. He is cramming down porn (equivilant of cheap White Castle, Spam, McDonalds, and hot dogs) and satisfying his appetite with garbage. You represent filet mignon - a first place gourmet meal, but he's too full and spent from indulging in garbage. Trust me, you have no cause to compare yourself to porn stars, as they're fake, they have to fake everything, and engage in acts that are not comfortable for them. You have a lot more class.
You do not have to feel inferior to the porn. He is the one with the problem, and you do not have to put up with it. He needs help, and if he will do nothing to get it, you should consider other options.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2010): you should confront your husband.
let him know how you feel
spice up your sexlife by asking him what his fantasies are, and then get him to fulfill your fantasies.
And he till ignores the situation. U have a problem
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