A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I have been married for two years. We dated for three years before we got married. Anyways he use to live with another couple and I never use to suspect something happened between them. But I felt it in my gut there was something that happened except when I asked my husband he would always tell me No, nothing happened. Well the couple he lived with got divorced about 5 months ago and we quit hanging out with them. Yesterday she calls me at work and tells me my husband and her had sex while we were dating. I talked to my husband about it last night and he admits to it but only once and it was about three years ago. I am a very emotional person and am having a hard time figuring out what to do. I don't want to leave him because I can see how hurt he is about this but than again I don't get why he couldn't just say YES when I asked him if they ever did anything together. I love him with all my heart but right now I have a deep deep hole inside and I am so confused on what to do. I really need some advice please.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2008): Thank you for the reply, it really means a lot to know that I can get some advice online. He knows how I feel I've probably reminded him more than dozens of times today because I just couldn't help it. I knew she would do this to hurt me, and I don't want to let it. So we are going to move on and work little by little on the trust issue and I just hope we can, because I love him more than anything and thats why I didn't yell at him or walk out when I found out because that doesn't solve anything. Thanks to anyone elses advice it really does mean a lot to me.
A
female
reader, Artistry +, writes (2 November 2008):
 Hi there, let's think about this, it would seem that something was wrong in the woman's relationship, since they eventually got divorced. Now she is jealous that you are with your husband and she is not with hers, so what does she do. She calls you to tell you this, to make you miserable, and she succeeded. Your husband didn't tell you because he was embarrassed to tell you, and he felt that you would be upset, which makes sense. Some women set their sights on every man around sometimes, and other times, when people are in close quarters, s..t happens. Your husband feel remorse, talk to him and let him know that he has hurt you, first by lying, which I can understand and second by what he did. I would not hold this against him, because she probably seduced him, just to prove that she could. He would have to understand that it cannot happen again with another woman or her, period. Do not make him feel like a dog, but tell him you deserve respect, you were not married, so there is a little difference. But it is my belief that he loves you, and the stuff that happened is in the past, let it stay there, and try to get past it. He seems as though he is a good person, men have tendecies, if you understand me. In this case, I would go forward, and rebuild the trust in the relationship. Do not let the other woman tear your marriage apart, so she can devour the bones. Do not give her that opportunity, he has to stay away from her, but more than that be secure enough to let her know, if she keeps meddeling, that he is not interested in her at all. Once the two of you understand each other, you should be able to move forward in honesty, and trust little by little. Good luck and stay in touch. You can make this work, The two of you should have a long talk on neutral territory, open up and let him know the hurt you feel, even though it is past tense, for the incident. The woman wants to hurt you, don't let her. Build your relationship, so that it is stronger. Your hurt will dissipate, little by little. Strengthen your marriage, and move forward. Take care.
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