A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I hope this doesn't come off rude or pathetic but I really need some advice. It's been only 2 months since the guy I was with for 3 years (and who I was really in love with) broke up with me and started dating someone else immediately after. I don't know if he has this planned out or what but either way it devastated me. I was told he loved me but wasn't in love with me anymore. I had no idea he felt this way as he always seemed very happy with me and we never had any problems. I was very much in love with him and was completely blindsided by the whole situation. We are both kind of young (I'm 24 he's 26) but he told me he wanted marriage one day, told me he never wanted me out of his life, and a lot of other serious things. He got into a relationship with a friend of his pretty much right away after our break up. It's been almost 2 months and he seems to have found happiness and is in love with her, meanwhile I'm still very hurt and it kills me to know someone else is making him happy, and taking my place so quickly. How am I suppose to handle this? My friends tell me he's mean for what he did and I need to just get over it and find a new man but thats just not what I want.
View related questions:
broke up Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2016): Hi, know how it feels,they act like it doesn't mean anything,what you had together,cause it doesn't,it was all an act till someone else,came in the picture,that's not that person's fault,they have to live their own life,I know it sucks, I been there several times,it hurts,but remember carma really sucks, they will get what they deserve,but the bad thing is you won't see it happen,one day you will smile again an look back and be glad you are not with them
A
male
reader, lawncare  +, writes (8 March 2016):
 That's really saddening to read as it does seem like his exit strategy was planned and you're the injured party. Never gets easier.This paragraph will be difficult to accept now but: he has ended it and for all you know he has done the honourable thing by letting you know. Some people would have carried on a while longer. If this is all there is to your story then I respect him, though I sympathise more strongly with you.Right now you need to not focus on what he is doing and focus on you. That is easier said than done, of course. Surround yourself with loving people and get involved with things that take up your time and energy.Focusing on the plans you had that got waylaid by this ending and getting down about what could have been will only corrode your soul. You handle this by facing every day and remaining upright in the face of pain. I'd love to give an easy answer or take the burden from you, but I can't. Neither can anyone else, or even a new partner right now.
...............................
A
female
reader, LJCX +, writes (8 March 2016):
 Of course it doesn't come across as rude, I don't know why you would think that, and no not pathetic as everybody has a hard time when this happens.I've been in this situation myself, I was with someone for 8 years, we have two children, we had a home together and I thought we would be together forever. He never asked me to marry him, didn't upset me as I just thought marriage never appealed to him, but then ended things with me out of the blue. He ended up telling me he was seeing somebody else within two weeks, the next month they were engaged and then after 8 months they were married! Pretty hard to deal with, I felt so hurt for a long time and the feeling of being replaced made me feel awful.You need to feel this way and spend some time just allowing yourself to feel bad about it. Actually that will help you come to terms with the fact that he wasn't as amazing as you thought he was. The way he moved on so quickly just makes him look like a cad and not very pleasant. Yes we are all entitled to move on at our own speed but him doing so that quickly just shows that he is a little heartless and doesn't really care how you feel. That's not a man you want to stay with, that's not the type of person you should have had in your life anyway.I know your friends mean well but don't just rush in to things and move on straight away, you will be a much better person for your next boyfriend, whenever that happens, if still don't have lingering feelings about him that you've just suppressed. Suppression comes back to bite you on the ass. Build up your self confidence first and get happy again.People say keep yourself busy but allow like an hour everyday to just sit and think and punch a pillow if you want. Then after that hour has passed think enough of that I'll spend my time doing something that makes me smile now, like watching sloppy films or listening to music. You weren't replaced it's just a sad fact that young guys start to get a bit bored or complacent, instead of trying to spice up existing relationships or change the feeling of being a little bored they look elsewhere. It doesn't mean he didn't really love you at some point or you wouldn't have stayed together for three years. What he liked about you another person will one day in the future feel exactly the same. Maybe a man a tiny bit older would be better instead of a man in his 20s who doesn't know what he wants in life.It's funny my ex left me at 26 too, I know how you feel but everybody goes through this at some point in time. His wife looks a bit like me, I can't really see how his life with her is drastically different than what we had lol! In fact they argue quite a bit and a lot more than we ever did, maybe that's why he found it boring with me, who knows! Time will make it all better.
...............................
|
