A
female
age
41-50,
Alisa
writes:I been recently dumped by my married lover. No I did not want him to leave his wife. He left me , because he was losing control of her, and he is trying to get it back. I'm hurt, because I thought we were friends, and he moved out of town, and didn't say good-bye. We were more friends, than lovers. Infact we were friends longer than we were lovers so I thought!These are the steps to help you move on with your life.1. Write an article tell your story get opionions from strangers, your friends don't want to hear about your problems with someone else's man.2. Don't call your lover! The more you seem to want him the more he will reject you.3. Don't have hopes about him being apart of your life on any level. Rememeber no mater if the spouse knew about the affair, people will make you the villian. The couple is going to band together like there was no affair.4. If he calls you, tell your ex lover to get on with his life. He has nothing to offer you but drama. He is his wife problem. She forgave him like he hasn't done anything, so let her deal with him, and the reason he's on the prowl again.5. Don't beat yourself up with self pity. Thinking he has used you, and now he's happy with her. 9 times out of 10 they are not happy. The trust factor is gone. Believe me you need trust in a marriage, more then you need love. He will cheat on her again. Most importantly, they are no winners in situations like this. Your suffering alone, and they are suffering together. Your suffering is short term. Theirs are as long as they are together.6. Start dealing with the issues, that made you get into a mistress situation in the first place. Ex. Loneliness, low self esteem, and other emotional baggage.7. Once you identified those problems take steps into developing yourself. EX. Further your education, get into shape, see a therapist, and other things that will lead you into progression.8. Never allow yourself to be in a situation like this again. You can't build happiness on the unhappiness of someone else.He didn't belong to you anyway. Do you really want to be with a man that doesn't respect you or his wife?
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affair, mistress, move on, moved out, self esteem Reply to this Article
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female
reader, mawm +, writes (16 July 2009):
Yes, that's very good advice.
I wanna add one thing, from my own experience. Lots of times a man and a woman will go on afterward saying they are 'just friends'.
But, there is no "just friends' between people who have been lovers. It's not physical infidelity but it's emotional cheating coz you're still fascinated and emotionally engaged by this man. "Just friends" is a lie people tell themselves to justify keeping the affair going on emotionally. It just drags all the misery out.
I also think "we're just friends" is bullshit and a fake excuse when a woman and a married man are first attracted to each other. It lets you get involved totally and he seduces you but he can go home and deny everything coz .."we're just friends".
You guys know---it's meaningful glances, closed door talks, innuendo, sexy compliments...and your whole brain goes over to him and that's all you think about and this lie he tells you---don't worry, "we're just friends" makes you feel sexy and admired....and that it's all ok coz there's no sex yet.
And then there is and he's getting away with it all.
"Just friends" is an excuse and get you horribly screwed up.
A
female
reader, Alisa +, writes (8 July 2009):
Alisa is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah it will take time to get over it. You have to love the wives, they will stick with their man at all cost. Many of these men are very insecured. They just wanted to have fun, and they didn't put much emotion into us. Logic will tell a normal person, if their having an affair for years, they already left their families. It's about security for them. Who are we kidding? We can never be happy with these men. Are happiness was based on 50% of them. If you look at what you said, his wife isn't getting much better treatment. He was with her, and seeing you for four years. He's was with you, and he goes back to her sick. He can't commit to anyone. If he's not cheating on her with someone else, its because he is sick, so she still isn't getting the best of him. My friends were envious of us too. Me and this man went all over. I was on a high. We went on trips, romantic walks in the park, dinner 2-3 times a week, everything I wanted to do with a guy. In the end it didn't mean anything to him. He wanted his marriage, or whatever is left of it. The moral of the story for both of us is it was fantasy for us, and move on and find a single man to carry out these things with, so it can amount to something. Mistresses are the lucky ones at the end. They did us a favor. Their wives have to deal with the misery they bring. She isn't happy. If you don't have trust, you don't have anything. Trust is not something you can get back. It's like nuclear energy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2009): wow thanks !!!!! I been looking for answers to ease my pain. well its been over 3 years and I am still having a hard time getting over it, he was married for4 years while he was seing me got divorced and a month after getting divorced came, realized he had leukimia ,2wks in hospital and came home with me and next day I go to work he moves out and says He needs to be with his kids and to remember he will always love me.DEVESTATED me i thought we had it all, we were the envy of all couples everyone wanted what apeared we had,the love. I really don't wish any harm to his health but wished he had a broken heart like I did! and I don't want them to be happoy either.YEAH she got to live with that he cheated on her for 4 years
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A
female
reader, Alisa +, writes (2 July 2009):
Alisa is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe guy and I have been friends for 4 years. 2 1/2 years we were friends with no sex. His wife seemed to not mine him being friends with other women. Around that time my husband at the time and I had split up. I didn't really know anyone, but I never paid him any attention outside of talking to him when I saw him. Over time he was always dropping by and we would talk for hours. Wife saw us and never said anything. Infact, she told me he was always like this. To make a long story short around the time I got divorced I was feeling really low. He would come by take my child to his home, and bring his children to my home. His wife didn't seem mine, that we were getting closer. It just developed. For the rest of the story, read my article wives who let their husbands cheat. I never wanted him to leave his wife. I just wanted to see if he cared enough to call in say good bye, or tell me he was sorry something. The moral of the story is I was severly lonely. I don't have any family. He was just around. Since his wife seem to let him see me I did. I know that I'm wrong. I'm taking steps to deal with the issues that made me get in such a bad situation. I don't ever want to allow myself to be involved with a married man again not even as friends. I never cheated on my husband, nor did I see another man while I was dating the married guy. I'm not a victim, because I know I was wrong. I know now that some married couples who aren't happy with each other have these aggreements to substiitute people to get what their spouse isn't giving them, and drag third parties into their mess. When things get to heavy, they band behind their marriage and justify what they done. Everyone suppports them. Worst the husbands don't seem to get know real repercussions from what they done. Next thing you know their out there again. Bottom line I was an idiot. I'm going to do everything I could never to be in a situation like this again. I made a promise to god. If he ever calls, I going to tell him to get lost.
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