A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:How to live with a toxic parent ?I am 38years old,…I am the first born of my fathers children 6(from my mother and (5 children are from different women).Our mother who was officially married to my dad unfortunately passed away 20 years ago when we were little …My father during the marriage to my mother , had an affair that resulted into 3children ….when my mother passed away my father didn’t bring back this lady who he had an affair with and he single handily looked after us for 6years ..He worked hard ,educated us and got a few properties: He also got two more women pregnant ,each with their own child ..His also sick with the AIDS virus …My father is a very difficult dark man…and intelligent ..his a doctor …through all these dramas he has create we have been there with him …He has emotionally tortured us with cutting words , how we are evil , how we will never get a masters degree and reach his level of accomplishment, how he is the vine (John 15) and we are nothing without him …So a few years ago I decided to distance my self from him after the emotional abuse took a toll on me …I took my children to check on him and he refused to even give them a cup of water , tried to say I was drunk when it was 8 o’clock in the morning …I just went mute and some of my siblings to went mute too.That did not go down well with him …After a few months , he called all of us the 6children from my mother and a few elders and legal person and said he had given us a country home and land for use and we should let him be: I was okay with the kind gesture, my brother however was adamant that the gesture should be legally binding …my father refused ..a months later he had sold his other properties and went and bought a country home with this other lady A year after : he sent us someone dating his getting married in two weeks time with the lady ..some of my siblings attended and some did not …I did not :: it’s a case of Charles and Diana : We thought he was done with us : and he was happy and peaceful : Today morning he sent us a message “ You and your siblings have desecrated my titled land, I am going to court: John 15: That disdain of reason and intelligence borders on absurdity “ Not only is it surprising it sad : The said land was acquired with my late mum : His also really destroying us mentally :: Even when I would love to keep my distance I would wish to protect some property for us .How do I deal with such
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 October 2023):
 You need legal advice, which we can not give you.
So you need to find a lawyer that deals with inheritance disputes (as the land was your late mother's).
If a lawyer can't make headway in this (your mom might not have put anything in a Last Will and Testament her property goes to your dad. And that means HE most likely can do whatever with that property.
I'd say if a lawyer can not get that property/land in your names (you and your siblings) then I would simply just CUT your dad out of your life.
What does he bring to your life? other than strife, abuse, and neglect?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2023): He's trying to control you anyway that he can.
You cannot win with narcissists as long as you take part in their drama.
Cut all ties.
That's what I did with my brother.
That's what my husband did with his father.
Like your dad they tried to use us, control us, make our lives miserable.
They were shocked when we left them and moved on, because they are used to manipulating people who love/like them, promising them things they will never do to use them better... My husbands father has only one child and he tried to manipulate him with possible inheritance (a house and a property). My husband told him to go... and we bought or own house and property. FIY we didn't know it at the time, but when his father was promising to leave him the said house, he had already transferred the ownership to his newest wife.
My brother tried to control my finances and guilt tripped me whenever I said no. My whole family sided with him because he was helping them financially (and promising them God knows what). Even though I was so young and almost alone, I knew I had to clear such people out of my life.
There is no other way with them.
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