A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Relationships are nice and an incredible part of anyones life, but we end up asking ourselves the same questions everytime... We are anxious about the love the other person has for us... Is it a normal human behaviour, after being with this girl for about a year, I just realised tonight that I was more aware of this fact than anything else... don't get me wrong, I'm not blaming her... it might be me.. though I don't think I would be asking theses questions if there wasn't a need to... I would really appreciate feedbacks on this one.I have been with her for just a year, very little for some, very long for others... we really know a lot about each other and we spend a lot of time together... recently, I feel some kind of cold shoulder... we still have sex and it's still great but I feel that she's acting different...I am trying to prepare her birthday party soon as she prepared a good one for me and I had the idea to bring her to a hotel and stay overnight and to get her a nice gucci wallet which she has been longing for a long time... but there are signs that are showing me that this money should rather stay in my bank account and my time should rather be spent on other activities... don't get me wrong, I love her still, but if I'm going to "over-love" her and not have something similar in return, it's just plain pointless to spend time, energy, worries and planning for the future on that person... I am exhausted and want to be able to sleep properly again...The signs (am I reading too much into things???):(1) I would say she's less excited about things... I got her a nice bouquet recently and it was really nothing much to her... also recently she keeps on making plan with other people when we go out... we had lunch with her best friend today and we're having dinner with her best friend again tomorrow.(2) She has many guy friends and I told her at the beginning that I was fine with it, cause I have my share of girl friends (Not girlfriends)... and I know they were there before me and all that, so yeah i understand that... It's just that last time I left a facebook message to one of my good girl friends wishing her happy birthday and my girlfriend cried saying she was jealous etc etc... Well recently she has this good friend she has been talking to over email for a while and he said he's coming to visit soon and she got so excited that it was like Christmas time when I got her nice gifts... she hasn't been that excited in a while... the guy just broke up with her girlfriend (she guesses he could use a friend)... I'm fine with it... no worries, but it pisses me when for instance, I get her a nice bouquet and she's not as excited as when her friend says he's coming to visit... and at the same time, if I have some girl friends message on facebook, she can give me a major crisis situation... what the hell is that?(3) She doesn't want to stay over anymore... at the beginning of our relationship, she would stay over often, now it's like it's never going to happen again... and this is someone with whom I talk about weddings and stuff, about the future, about kids... for me, it's like if you talk about these kind of things you need to be ready for a good relation and well I don't ask her to be here everytime, but there's nothing like waking up in the arms of someone you really like... I guess she can't be bothered with that... her reason is this: her parents will be pissed off... God that's a lame reason, I mean she's 25... that's a stupid reason, in the past she would lie about it and tell them she went over to a girl friend's place, but now, even this seem to be too big to do... I saw some parts of a message she had with one of her friends to whom I talked for her birthday presents (don't worry I wasn't sneaking, I just saw the message) and this is what it read: My GF - If he's planning on taking me to another country, can you sway him in another direction? Same goes if he's getting me a PSP (she dreamt that I was getting her one... I'm not that lame). If it's the gucci purse, then we're good (: Friend - Anything else on your "Don't want" list? My GF - Make sure that it's not some scavenger hunt thing like vday so we won't get tired out (I planned this really nice day out for vday and gave her nice gifts all along). he said something along the lines of i won't be able to go home for the night. don't think the parents would be pleased Friend - I don't think she wants to sleep with you isn't the best thing to tell him? (huh?? erm...)kidding! ok, so you want to be able to go home or will you be crashing at my place?anything else? you have about a month to come up with a whole long list of things you don't want. haha. My GF - it's more of a i want to be able to go home.What do you guys think? Why am I sharing this information, because I want to know what people think about such things, cause I'm curious and I also want to mull over these past few days...(4) She keeps on calling me names these days... not one day passes without she calling me loser or dumbass... at first I thought it was cute, but sometimes, it hurts when she says them, they're starting to push my buttons, especially cause I am not stupid and I know that (yes I have a pretty big ego}Based on these four facts, I want to know your opinions... your ideas, what do you feel... don't tell me you should talk about it to her... I know that and I will... but I am scared that the next time we talk about it, it might be the last time we talk about anything... put yourself in my shoe and tell me how you would interprete these observations... thanks in advance...K, NYC
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2009): This seems very confusing because your getting the cold shoulder but still having sex? lol1: If she doesn't appreciate your gifts stop and see what happens.She doesn't want to be alone with you so you can talk seriously with her.2: She is very jealous about you and your friend who are girls and you might be also that's normal. 3: Shes 25 theres no reason she shouldn't be able to stay over your place. You should try and find out why her parents don't like her staying away from home. Do her parents know about you? She shouldn't be ashamed of her parents meeting you.4: If the name calling is uncalled for then there is an underlying reason. Mood swings maybe.Maybe she cheated on you which has caused her to feel guilty and tries to convince herself its your fault somehow? Maybe someone her parents know?Or she is a rare case of a women who is actually afraid of commitment? lol in that case I have no idea
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