A
female
age
30-35,
*unfire249
writes:I have no idea what to do! I've had enough. This is basically the low-down:- He takes me for granted: For example, when I do things for him just because I want to, he doesn't assume that he should do something back for me to be fair. It's as if he's just taking in the relationship, and not giving in return! And then when I stop something, and tell him how he's not being fair and what not, he berates me and tells me I'm being over-dramatic. - One minute he tells me he loves me and never wants to be without me, and wants to spend every waking moment with me, The next he's telling me that I'm always in his face: I have no idea what the hell to think of this! After an argument he'll always apologize and say, "Oh well I'm sorry, I never mean the things that I say when I'm angry". And he goes back to this exact same argument when he doesn't get his way.- He'll ASK me to do stuff for him, but get mad at me when I'm trying to do it! Here's my story: Yesterday, he asked me to get him up at 6. So I said okay, and the next day it's 6, and I phone to tell him to get up. Yeah he's a grouchy pants when he gets up, so I keep trying and tell him to get up, since he wanted to get up. Half an hour later, he's spazzing out at me, and asking me to stop being so whiny and pleading! I mean come on! He asked me to get up, and I tried, knowing that when he "rests his eyes for a minute", he typically goes back to sleep in an hour!- Whenever we do stuff that he likes, it's fine. We're both happy, whatever. When we do stuff we both like, it's great. Whenever I ask him to do stuff that I want to do, he gets pouty and angry because I asked him to do it. Then I get fed up and say, "Fine, whatever we don't have to" And he accuses me of guilt tripping and begrudgingly does whatever I want to do. I'm not guilt tripping! Honestly, I'm just fed up with him acting like a child! And then when I'm not happy about it, he'll try and use the same argument, "I'm trying so hard..." And no, no he's not. He visibly LOOKS bored and angry.- He gets angry for the pettiest things. I asked him if later that evening we could talk and whatnot, you know just chat and whatever and he said okay. When I get home and call him, he's on his video game or whatever, and I wait. About half an hour later, he's still on it so I decide to just talk with him while he's playing, which I rudely get the answer when I'm trying to talk to him, "I'm busy." I ASKED him if we could chat when he got home! And he doesn't even bother, and decides to do his own thing! - I'll tell him my feelings and what not, and every time I DO tell him my feelings, he gets mad at me and tells me that I need to stop being so whiny and bitchy. I'm trying to explain my feelings! And then I tell him that, and he says, "Well stop talking about your feelings then." So what, do you want me to just be a lifeless doll? - Because HE did something wrong, and I apologized for it even though I really shouldn't have, he goes and decides to "punish me" by doing things that he knows I hate. - He doesn't try to solve arguments that we have when I talk to him, he just says, "I don't want to talk about it anymore." If we don't talk about it anymore, it happens again. If I try and talk to him and get through to him, then he half listens, apologizes, and it happens again. He blames me for everything!- He tells me that he doesn't want to do stuff for me because it just looks like he's "Pussy Whipped". And you know the great thing about that? Any time his friends ask him to do something, ANYTHING, he will do it. I know he has a hard time making friends, but that doesn't necessarily mean that he should do nothing for me, and do anything and everything for his friends, does it? To me that looks like a pussy whipped guy. But whipped by his friends. He's hurting me really bad, and I have no idea what to do. We tried to take a break, in which either I or him would call each other in a matter of hours. I've tried talking to him, telling him my feelings and in the end he just tells me to shut up. When I cry during our arguments, he tells me that I'm being annoying. Please don't misunderstand, I don't hate him, and I do love him but... I really can't handle keeping this inside any longer. I've tried to solve it myself, and nothing helps. I need help.If the feedback is really good, I was thinking of giving the URL to my boyfriend to read, so that he could read the messages. Is that a good idea? Well, maybe he'll listen to the voice of someone else, because he sure as hell doesn't want to listen to me. So, if some of you guys could leave messages to him, or some advice that would be great.Thank you!
View related questions:
a break Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, lilprincess12  +, writes (22 March 2010):
I feel you and I'm really sorry I just went through this same thing me and my boyfriend were together 3 years before he just recently broke up with me I did everything for him I bought him a hella of a nice car furnished our whole apartment before he kicked me out we fought all the time and everytime I would try to talk to him he would say ill try harder next time to make you happy but never did and he would nothing for me but everything for his best friend who does nothing in return for him I'm so glad it is over yes it hurts but every girl needs to be treated like a princess and if he ant doing that he don't need to be treated like a prince leave his ass he will learn how much he really needed you and how bad he really treated you and be on his knees begging for you back just rember your number 1 in your life no one else is
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2009): lol i like the first response. act like he's not even number 1 in your life. be independent and act like u can live w/o him. he may like the space and things will fall in place there. or he may notice how you're not caring too much and start to change his ways to get ur attention again. to me, he's a dick. i would restrain myself from calling and hang out with my friends more. make him go back to u. when u know ur right and he's rong, don't even apologize. all couples get in arguments and if ur always the one saying srry, you're going to feel like shit thru out the entire relationship. stand tall and don't focus on him until he realizes what a great gf he has. if he dunt start respecting u, you needa leavee. forever. seriously.my mom said she always treated me like a princess when i was younger till today. so when a man comes in my life, he better treat me like a queen.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2009): Hey there,I actually have a problem almost exactly the same as yours. In fact, my boyfriend and your boyfriend sound like twins.I try to talk to him about issues and things, and he just seems to reply like a robot for so long, sound annoyed and then eventually want to get off of the phone.He also plays video games and gives me the whole "I'm busy" bullshit.He even goes so far as to say my feelings are stupid, I need to shutup and get over it, and that what I'm saying is bullshit,Keep in mind I always talk to him in a kind and loving way, abd he just seems to eat it up and give me absolutely nothing.I think the issue is insecurity, in both people. His insecurity makes him selfish and a total dbag, my insecurity makes me want him around all of the time and to bend overbackwards for lovw. I think rhythm is half correct, meaning we should get our own hobbies and stop depending so much on these guys, but I also think that no one should ever treat someone the way they don't want to be treated. I imagine if you did the same things back to him, he would flip his shit, right?The best advice I can give you, is actions speak louder than words and you can't force fidelity and love - it's a gift. If he doesnt show it or give it to you, be with someone who will. To try in this relationship, youll have to back up and be more independent and act as if he is second most important in your life, because that is what you are to him. His number one, is him. Maybe it comes with age and maybe its just a selfish insecure trait, but either way - let him come to you, stop being there at his every beck and call. Let me know how it works.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2009): dump his ass.rhytham, you have no damn idea what you're talking about. the boyfriend is the ass. since HES the one who ASKED her to wake him up. could you imagined what would have happened if she didnt call to wake him? obviously you can't read. just dump him. end of story. i know it will be hard, but you can do way better than him. he's the whiney bitch, not you.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2009): Umm, Sunfire it sounds like you are trying to be a controlling girlfriend. He is young and he is going to want to do things with his friends and he isn't always going to want to come home and chat with you instead of going outside and doing something else.
Stop doing things for him like calling to wake him up. That is his responsibility to get himself up, and he is grouchy and angry when you do these things, so simply stop doing them.
He isn't going to want to do the things you want to do all of the time and in turn you should not stop doing the things you want to do and make your entire focus on him. It is not his job to keep you happy and entertained 24/7 and he is going to lose interest in you if you don't have your own seperate interests, friends and life.
So stop treating your boyfriend like your husband, and get out there and hang out with your own friends without him. Get on an excercise routine or get a hobby or activity that is just your own and do not adjust your schedule for something he asks you to do. He will have to learn to do without you and your doormat ways. By being more independent yourself, you will inspire him to stop taking you for granted. People treat us a certain way because they can. Get it?
Good luck. The only person you can change is you, not him...attempting to change him is being a controlling girlfriend. If he doesn't make you happy, then stop being his girlfreind and be your own person...be your own person to be a better girlfriend.
...............................
|
