A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Does anybody have any tips on how to get over your boyfriend's porn use? I know some women aren't bothered or used to be and aren't now, I want to be one of these women to move on.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2012): My girlfriend and I have settled on a dont-ask-dont-tell policy. I only watch it when she's not around and we are both okay with that. It works because she knows I would always rather have sex with her. The porn is just for when I'm horny but she isn't.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (19 March 2012):
 So Very Confused is right, it comes down to whom the man loves up. If he comes home to you, brings you sweets in bed, takes care of you.. then you aren't going to worry about other women. So maybe the problem isn't porn, maybe the problem is that your man isn't giving you his attention, dedication and love. If your man showed you that you are the most attractive woman to him, both on a physical and emotional level, then you wouldn't be worried about any other woman catching his eye.
That is unless you are a very insecure person to start out with, and if so your insecurities will likely still be there whether your man stops watching porn or not. You can't blind fold him, he's got eyes. He's bound to look at attractive women at some point or the other. Even a blind man can get attracted to other women! And there is nothing you can do to stop it from happening, if it was to happen. But thankfully, both men and women who are in love and respect and honour their partner will be more than satisfied with their partner alone, and wont have a need to stray elsewhere. Which is why looking isn't dangerous or a threat to your relationship. You got to differentiate between looking/imagining/fantasizing and the REAL DEAL of when a man (or woman) starts an emotional or physical affair.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2012): Maybe women would watch more if they put good looking men in porn!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2012): There is literally no girl in porn or in anything else I think is more desirable or attractive than my girlfriend. Sure in a classical sense she may not be model material but she would never for one minute think that I'd prefer anyone over her. I suppose that's one of the reasons she shares my porn usage.
The issue of porn always boils down to two basic things. About half of women hate it and most men use it. As far as divorce rates go they're just going to rise, because to the guys who use it we see nothing wrong with it and to the girls who hate it they can't get over their moral standpoints/insecurities.
Neither side is right nor wrong, you can argue both ways and there is no right answer only what's right for you.
If you think changing your views on it to make it more acceptable to you is something you want to do,then don't let anyone tell you that you shouldn't try that.
As Ciar stated OP. Insecurities are never a good thing and if you can get over viewing porn women that you feel are prettier than you are a threat to your relationship then do that. Just know OP, we guys are wired in a different way to you girls seemingly, most girls I talk to always tell me that when they're in love with a guy they never look at anyone else, most guys I know will continue to look at other women no matter how in love they are but for most of us it's never a comparison, just an appreciation of aesthetics.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (19 March 2012):
 "The strange thing I wouldn't be as bothered if these women were plain, i'm only bothered about the ones I believe are more attractive."
I agree with Chigirl... none of the girls in porn are as attractive as I am to my man.
He see's pretty little things on the street...and he comments on it. what should i do blind him so he can't see anyone?
He may look at others...
he may look at porn
he may THINK of others
but in the end when it's all said and done, he climbs the steps at night and brings me sweets to feed me in bed and cuddles ME... NOT some cute young thing he saw on the street or on a computer screen....
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (19 March 2012):
"The strange thing I wouldn't be as bothered if these women were plain, i'm only bothered about the ones I believe are more attractive."
Maybe that's why Im not bothered by porn. I don't find any one of them, man or woman, even the slightest attractive. I still like to watch porn every now and then.
But for the main part I watch hentai (japanese animated porn), simply because real life porn folks are so little attractive to me (have you seen the men, most of then are hairy and have beer guts), and the situations so obviously fake (women do not get off on being licked like that).
If you're gonna be fake why not fake it all and go for cartoons, that's my thought anyway.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (19 March 2012):
 I agree that you should to overcome your insecurity about your boyfriend's porn use (assuming you were the anonymous female who said she felt more put out by the women she thought were more attractive than she is), but that does not mean brainwashing yourself into accepting something you don't like.
Why do you think the divorce rate is so high? And why do you think women are initiating most of them? Because they have made far too many accomodations believing there will be some great payoff in the end only to find out there isn't one. Don't be one of those women.
Face facts. You don't want to overcome your aversion so YOU can use it, but so you can learn to live with HIM using it because you know he's going to continue to do so whether you like it or not.
Almost never do we hear from men seeking advice on how to wean themselves of porn to accomodate their wives and girlfriends. We DO hear constantly hear from men who are bent out of shape about their partners' sexual past (even when there isn't one to speak of) yet have no problem ogling and masturbating to other women in the present.
Definitely learn to overcome your insecurities about porn, for YOU, so you're not worried that every man you date is going to leave you for some hottie with fake boobs and a bleached anus. You could start by seeing it as a reflection of HIM and how predictable and dull he is, not a reflection of you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2012): I do wish I could find someone who doesn't need stupid little fantasies from porn.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (19 March 2012):
 IF YOU don't like his looking at porn... then it is a REAL problem FOR THE TWO OF YOU!!!!! Don't be fooled when he tells you that it's "your" problem!!!!!!!!!As you and he discuss this matter... unless he clams up completely.... you will learn more about what triggers him to do this (view porn)... and you can make an adult assessment about what he does, WHY he does it, and WHETHER or NOT you want to acquiesce THAT HE DOES IT...If you'd rather that he doesn't.... but he continues in spite of that... then you've learned that he doesn't give a darn about you and your feelings... so you can kick him to the curb, post-haste.If he STOPS, then you can expect that, maybe, he values you enough to stop acting like a child, on YOUR behalf, and you and he can try to continue making your relationship continue..... (BUT... in the words of the famous President Reagan: "Trust, but verify!!!!")....Good luck....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2012): The strange thing I wouldn't be as bothered if these women were plain, i'm only bothered about the ones I believe are more attractive.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2012): I used to be a woman who was not bothered by internet dating sites. I never even gave them a thought. I then realised the man I was with could not keep off them. I would say he was addicted. I moved on. I found a man that was not addicted to them. That is exactly what you should do.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2012): I have to agree with the others, the only way you'll get over it is to understand the reasons you don't like it and try and view those reasons a different way.
I've known women that have disliked it on moral grounds or because they felt threatened by it or jealous that their boyfriend was looking at someone else and getting off, they got over it by realizing that's not why we use porn and we're going to be using other women as wankspiration regardless if it's porn or not. To us it means nothing. Most of the time anyway, some guys get addicted and weird about it and it negatively effects their relationships on a practical level.
OP as person12345 rightly stated it's much easier to go from being okay with something to disliking it than it is the other way around. The only way it would be possible is to try to understand your reasons and try and accept the alternate views of those. Just because it may be hard isn't a reason you shouldn't try though, if being okay with it is something you want then, give it a go.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (19 March 2012):
 I don't think you can. Most women either don't mind or they do and that doesn't seem to change. I've heard of a few women learning to tolerate it, but rarely fully. Mostly the ones who change their minds just seem to learn to pretend it isn't happening or base their tolerance on lies, which isn't exactly conducive to a healthy relationship. I started out not minding at all, but started hearing from so many women about how many problems it causes that I decided it wasn't something I would have in a relationship. I've never had it cause problems personally and I'm still anti-porn.
Have you tried telling him how you feel about it?
Also I have a list of some porn resources of my profile if you want to read more about porn use in relationships and in general.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 March 2012):
Well since I'm one of those women it doesn't bother... I would need to know what it is about his porn use that bothers you before I could advise you how to deal with it.
Personally I think that men that like to use porn should be with women that don't mind it and women that mind it should find men that are willing to not use it....
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (19 March 2012):
The women who aren't bothered by porn haven't ever been bothered by it. They haven't "moved on" from it. So I don't think you can be one of those women who aren't bothered by it, because you are. I don't know of anyone who used to be bothered, but who aren't any longer.
You can probably moderate the degree of how bothered you are by it, but it probably always will bother you. I think you need to work on figuring out why it bothers you before you can know how to make it bother you less.
Porn doesn't bother me. I don't know why, it just doesn't. I don't see anything in porn that should bother me. Maybe you are bothered because you add meaning to the porn that isn't there, or maybe your boyfriend has an unhealthy obsession with porn.
For example, I used to not be bothered by computer games. But I am bothered by computer games now because I was in a relationship once with a man who was a gaming addict and who constantly put his games over me. I came second. That's when it became a problem, because his gaming had a negative effect on our relationship.
Porn on the other hand has never had a negative effect on any relationship of mine.
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