A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I've been in a 3 year relationship, broke up 5 months ago on Valentine's. After the break we remained good friends - best friends. We hang out together often, do everything together, hang out with his classmates and all except for saying "I love you". A platonic relationship. He doesn't date other girls as he says he will only date other girls when he is SURE that I have no feelings for him. (Well, since we are besties so we do share awkward things like this as well - haha... We are open and honest with each other) The thing is, in the past one month, he started to treat me rudely without realising it (He claims..). I blogged about his rude antics.. In an act of desperation. Desperate because he doesn't seem to be paying attention to me as much as before. When we IM, he takes a long time to reply, same goes to text messages. When I ask why, he says he's busy with one thing or another. Yes, I understand that he is NOT INTO ME by then, but it was kinda hard to get his attention for long. So I blogged about it, hoping that he reads it. He did, and was outraged. He says Im telling the whole world that he is a bad guy. I explained that it was only meant for his eyes, and that the moment he read it I've locked the post with a password. I apologised and explained that it was an act of desperation and frustration of not getting thru to him. I've apologised and explained in amny ways and many times as well. I know I've said my piece to him and did my best to apologise, but it didn't work because he is angry and everything I say goes right out the other ear. He has said and done incredibly stupid things as well - but I've forgiven him altho his excuses are weak. Anyway, I've decided to try one LAST time. See him face to face and apologise until he accepts it. All the time I apologised via IM and text messaging. (I didnt call because I dont know his uni's schedule, and he's the type to meet up often with his buddies). I'm apologising not because I want him back, but because I feel that I've been accused of being guilty when I'm innocent. He calls me a bitch and a liar (My supposed lie was that i was trying to broadcast to the world that he's a jerk, to which i deny, my reason was that no one reads my blog, and I have the stats to show it too! It was meant to get his attention only!).I admit my blogging was wrong, but my intention was never to disgrace him in any way as he claims. No one other than him read my post. The question is, how do I get him to meet me? I set up a date but he cancelled on me two hours before. I thought of waiting at his place (he lives with his family - they will let me in) but I don't know when he will be in. Sometimes he stays out til midnight playing MMORPG with his freinds in cybercafes. I know his class sched now but knowing him, his freinds often call him out at random times of the day. What do I say to convince him to meet up with me? Any tricks?
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, I met him yesterday - went over to his place and gave him an ice cream cake I made myself for him. He says that he had forgiven me, and for that I am glad. I did as you said, rhythmandblues2, that is I apologised and didn't give excuses anymore for my act. It worked - he says he could see that I am sincere, and that we are friends. I am glad to get it over with - thanks for the advice :))
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2009): The thing is you keep using words like "make him meet me" and make him know I am sincere and make him accept my aplogy because I don't want to be stuck with the label of bitch.
You cannot make any one do anything. You can't change a person's label or opinion of you if they don't want to do so, and you do not have to believe or define yourself based on their perception of you.
First off, you have to forgive yourself. You know what your intent was and it wasn't bad, but he doesn't want to see that at least not now. You have already apologized, if you keep "forcing" him to accept your apology you are just going to come off as desperate and someone who is trying to force him to like you....which will push him away even more.
You could send him a brief hand written letter or card stating that you are sorry that you hurt his feelings, didn't mean to and hope that he will forgive you and want the friendship back.
That is just as effective if not more so than seeing him face to face. Put a stamp on it and mail it to his home address....
And then let it go, let him go....and see if he doesn't contact you later.
If you are hell bent on seeing him, then pop in on him unannounced and see if that gets you anywhere.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah rhythmandblues2, I plan on apologizing and no more ifs and buts and such. How do I let him know I am sincere? How do I make him agree to see me face-to-face? Honestly, I'm not even thinking of getting back with him again. We are totally incompatible. What I do WANT is to apologize and that he accepts my apology. Right now he's still mad. I don't want to be stuck with the the label "bitch". I'd like to find my closure - with or without his friendship. My meeting him face to face is a way to reach this closure. Make sure he knows that I am genuine in my apology. If after meeting him he still can't forgive me, then I'm done at last, I stop apologizing, case closed. Put it this way, if a normal friend was angered by something you did and hates you for it, you too would go all out to apologize. Well in my case, I would. It's the conscience of having wronged someone that I want to clear out of my mind.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2009): You have apologized, you can't make him accept it, nor do you want to trick him to meet you.
Just back off and wait for him to contact you. He will most likely if you are as good of friends as you say you are.
And I don't quite believe that you aren't wanting him back and are staying friends just because.
It may be time for both of you to move on from each other. If you want him back, then admit it and ask him if he will give you another chance. Perhaps that is what he wants as well, but thinks he had just better move on if yo have no more feelings for him and think he is a jerk....you obviously hit a nerve with what you said and blogging about it was manipulative and he knows it.
You apologized to prove him wrong that you aren not guilty? Not a great apology, simply state that you know you hurt him and that you are sorry and it won't happen again, period...no excuses, no ifs and or buts about what he did, don't justify, apologize and let it go.
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