A
female
age
36-40,
*unAngel87
writes:I'll be 21 in November 08...and for the last 21 years of my life I haven't known my father...my birth father....and I've asked my mother over and over again about who he was....because she continued to say she didn't know...and I've asked my grandmother who he might be and she wouldn't tell me...it seemed as if she didn't know either....so I would like to ask if someone could give me some tactics on how to find my birth father...because it's very important to know this...It's hard for me to do it myself because I don't even know his name...so please help me figure this out....
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2008): I wish I could help you. I would sit down and have a calm talk with your Mam and explain to her why you want or need to find your Father. I would also tell your Mam that you know there might be no happy ending when you do but you have to try. I hope I was some help.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2008): My name is Leeanna. Can I start by saying I know how you feel. I am in the same position as yourself. I can understand your frustration with the situation. Your Mam and Grandmother probably think they are doing what is best for you and trying to protect you. I am the same as yourself I dont know where to start looking. I dont know who my father is, I have never met him. My Mam will not tell me his name or anything about him. I am finding it very hard to trace him as I dont even know where my Mam and Dad lived when they met. I would really like you to get in contact as I would like to speak to someone in the same position and maybe we could help each other.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2008): There is another possibility - that is that your mother was having an affair with a married man and got pregnant - and that he stayed with his wife (and probably their children) and ended his relationship with your mother.
If this was the case - it's unlikely your mother would want to tell you she was 'the other woman'...not exactly a great image. Nor would she want you to think you were concieved in such a way perhaps?
As for your father...there are a number of possibilites, perhaps he felt it would be better for you, for everyone involved if he stayed out of your life? Perhaps he didn't accept that you were his - and just disappeared? Perhaps your mother never told him she was pregnant? Perhaps this man said the only way he could 'parent' you was if you were part of his extended family - with his wife, and your mother couldn't face that?
This is all jus speculation. Other posters are right though - you may not like what you find if you keep digging so be prepared for that. Think long and hard about what it is you are hoping to gain from finding this man after 21 years...chances are the reality will be different from the dream. I can understand this desire to know something about him though...so start with your mother, she really has a responsiblity to help you sort out your feelings on this.
Finally, don't let this 'history' and secrecy ruin you life NOW...it's not worth it.
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A
female
reader, JUSTBROWSING +, writes (15 October 2008):
 i found my sister on myspace.com ...worth a try
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2008): Well, if your mother married when you were young, then you have a 'father'. Don't go looking for a 'sperm donor'.If your mother never married, or isn't still married, I guess you've looked at your birth certificate, and it probably says 'father unknown'. There could be 3 reasons why your mother and grandmother don't want to discuss this. Any of them are probably very painfull to them, and they don't want the memories brought up. 1). She was raped and really doesn't know the guy.2). She was in an abusive relationship, and maybe he beat her or threatened to kill her and she ran away to save her and your lives.3). She slept around a lot and really doesn't know who the 'sperm donor' was.If they really don't want to talk about it, I would forget it for there sakes. Unless there is a medical reason to know who provided the DNA to make you, then I would drop it. You are only going to bring down a lot of hurt and painfull memories to your Mother.Sorry, I'm sure this isn't what you wanted to hear.
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