A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:We have been friends for a long time. I always had feelings for her, more than being friends but circumstances made it impossible to show her my affection.Finally I took a chance, when she needed me the most. But it turned out that she wasn´t able to give me anything back except of sex and fun time...She was still suffering from a breakup and wasn´t over it it, the time when we started dating.Sometimes I felt like she was giving me all the blame for the bad behaviour of her exes...and unfortunately she is pretty "open" and a big flirt, and she seeks attention from men a lot. And it was clear from the beginning that she is able to divide sex and emotions, like being casual and I am not.There is to say, that she told me a lot of her past sexual history, kind of and she had a wild time during her twenties ( I am 30 years and she turned 40 recently). First: I don´t know why she did that, cause some of her stories were realy hard to listen to, haveing feelings for her and Second: she does not regret anything ( that´s ok, but she had an abortion at the age of 19..)She is bitter sometimes, and seems depressed to me for some reasons...and she has a very selfish attitude and once said that she only cares for her own wellbeing..She is pretty dominant and has a masculine side, like high sex drive and only guy friends no really close good girl friend ( has frequent contact with exes and even fb´s, which drives me nuts..)So having all these feelings for her and wanting to be exclusive, I asked her how we are now and she answered that she can´t give me back what I wanted (feelings) and that she knows that we are great togehter, but can´t give me the security of being exclusive. Only can be friends with me...Am I overly possessiv or jealous? I said to her that I wouldn´t share her with anyone, cause of my feelings for her and it would break my heart seing her with someone else or knowing about it...I haven´t heard anything from her over a month ago, and still thinking about her too often...how am I getting rid of my post-dating jealousy???Additionaly to that, I am afraid that I´ve lost her as a friend. Would it be a good thing to initiate contact again? And if when?
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a break, abortion, depressed, flirt, her ex, her past, jealous, sex drive, sexual past Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFirst, thanks for your all your opinions on this.And it´s true. Fact is that I´ve got dumped. And occanssionally her past is weighing heavy on my mind too..When I left her, our status was just friends and I decided to visit a friend in NZ for a couple month to get myself put togehter. She has been there too, with her ex and this guy is the friend i visited, my best friend. Shortly before I wanted to go, she called me and said the things about having made up her mind and stuff..so we met again two days before my journey started and that was the point I thought she really had changed.I only spendt 6 weeks in NZ, and all the time we maintained contact and made plans for my return and summer vacation...and she seemed really to be happy, seing me comin back soon and spending time with me ( ok no commitment but I am in Love or "infatuation"....not sure though..) I came back, I had to make it more clear for me and she dumped me 7 days after my return...I realized that she is the person that she is and I can´t change another persons mind...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2014): You've been dumped. You can't deal with her stories about her past. She gets around, and she's the tough type.
She only took you back; because you dumped her first.
Being the horrible woman that she is, she only took you back to make a sucker out of you.
She wanted to get even by dumping you!!! She never really wanted you back. Just revenge.
My man, this lady is far out of your league. That makes you want her all the more. She is going to wipe her boots on you every chance she gets. She thinks you're a little slow.
Is she right?
Start getting over her. Find someone more in your league, with a personality that doesn't cast a shadow over you.
Get angry, and get over it. She's just being herself. You just aren't the type of guy who can handle her, and her strong personality. That's not an insult on you as a man.
She's just not your type!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionmy problem with this is. I actually left the situation, cause it seemed to me that this would lead nowhere. Then she called me and said that she had made up her mind and wanted me to come back. I did, but this time I wanted to make signs more clear for me and asked her about being exclusive....that was the point she dumped me....and thats what makes me so frustrated and iritated...
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2014): She sounds awful. I mean the worst type of female anyone could imagine.
She doesn't want you, has nothing in common with you, and you're obsessing over her. She let you go because you're not strong enough to deal with a woman like her. She has no feelings for you.
You apparently don't have a lot of confidence in yourself to find someone who cares for you. You want what you can't have. She's far from any kind of prize.
How do you fight jealousy? Move on and get the hell away from that horrid woman. Or just stick around and let her make a total fool of you.
Stop and think. Why do you want someone who doesn't want you? Does that sound mentally healthy to you?
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (7 January 2014):
 You have poured your heart out to her and unfortunately she does not reciprocate those feelings. She enjoys her freedom and clearly does not want to commit to one person. I suggest you don't contact her and considering how you feel about her, friendship would not be a wise option. Its best to move on and find someone that can love you the way you deserve.
You must remember that if you feel down and out now, when you get in touch and if she treats you in differently or says that she wants some space, you will feel worst. There is definitely no good that can come from any contact with her as she has been honest and told you that she is not interested in being exclusive. You need to start healing and you will meet someone that return the love the way you deserve.
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