A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Over the last year or so i've changed in some ways and i'm not sure exactly how.A relationship ended over a year ago has resulted me a feeling for a need to change myself in order to become more successful with men, basically to find and keep a good guy.One of these changes has been to stop seeing my couples friends. Being with them now makes me feel bad about myself, how unsuccessful i am, and that there is something wrong with me. Plus i feel i am in a different world to them now, so am rather excluded.I have made some single friends since, but i am not finding it easy. I miss the couples friends because of history of being close due to travels together etc. and it's hard to find or achieve closeness with new friends now.I also blame my choices of spending time with those friends on my lack of meeting new men, and therefore my lack of success with that. I feel like i've given too much to those friends who now exclude me. I don't think they mean to, it's just what happens.Basically, any advice on being single when surrounded by couples? How do i become a happy single in such circumstances? How do i change the circumstances or myself to become happy?I am a lonely singleton and i am finding it hard to meet new people and make new friends. We've only one life and i don't feel i'm making the most of it. I am fed up with going solo to 'things' etc. and with the efforts i've put in getting me nowhere. How can it be so hard to find good company and have fun and a laugh with people/friends and to find the same basic qualities values and wants in a single local man?So far i'm feeling like a failure. I'm not unhappy and feel good in many ways, i just believe, and KNOW there is more to life than the life i'm living... Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks! I'm amazed and inspired that there are some really nice people out there!I have tried the internet dating thing, and yes it's been good for me, boosted my confidence for sure, and true that it would be easy to just go with anyone and to make mistakes... so thanks for that reminder as well.Helps to know i'm not only one in this situation too.I do have a career, which i've kind of thrown myself into and am working very hard, but i know i'm not the type to want work to be my top thing, it's good people relationships that matter most to me.I think i'm just tired of the efforts and of the lack of success... and of going solo to 'things'... yes, i like the freedom, but i'm sure that doesn't have to be lost with the right man where we trust each other and have that commitment... i'd want us to still have independant separtate interests and believe that is possible.Perhaps i need to chill out and let go more, which i do try to do, but as a shy person (people don't believe that anymore, but i am) it is hard.As a rant i'd say i'm slightly annoyed at the couples who rub it in my face seemingly on purpose and out of cruelty... when i get space and sleep i just think they're trying to make up for something lacking in their relationship, that the need to show off says a lot... and it's not something i'd ever like to feel the need to do.Anyway, thank you, amazed at such quick and good responses... so anything further, any more suggestions, ideas, advice, constructive criticism even, is welcomed :)My main problem is just getting to meet people, and i shall continue with the on-line thing for a bit at least.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2009): i agree with what the previous reader has wrote but if you want to meet people then (I know this might sound lame but theres nothing wrong with it) why dont you give a dating site a try? i've tried it a few times and never really had any bad experiences from it. the friends reunited dating site is the best. x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2009): I am in a LDR and so, we don't get to socialize together very often at this time. I do tend to stay away from invitations where mostly couples are envolved. I think it's a matter of comfortablility. I just don't feel being solo when everyone else is coupled-up. I still remain friends with these people but not so much on a social level. I feel secure with my aloneness, however. As a matter of fact I enjoy having my own place, coming home and not having to deal with others moods and messes.
I am very much in love with my guy and plan a move to his state in the spring. But I will be an hour away from where he lives. Now we are 2700 miles apart! So, it will be a great change...we will be able to see eachother all the time, but we won't be living together. It's the best of both worlds! I keep my independence and still have my guy without the cooking, cleaning up after, and drama of a live-in arrangement.
By the way, we met online. On a dating site. I never dreamed it would go anywhere because we are so far apart. But it did and we are very much in love!
Dating sites can be lots of fun and build your ego trememndously! Finding a mate is the icing on the cake! There are a lot of a-holes out there, but there are also, men who are truly looking for love! Take the risk! You just may find happiness! I did!!!!!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2009): I have felt very much the same way for a long time. Please dont jump into any conclusions. What you need is to engage yourself in something and try building a career or something.Being single is not that bad... In fact, at times its a lot better - you are free to do whatever you want, without any committments....Whatever you do, dont get desparate and make some wrong decisions... With time and patience you will also join the couples club :)Till then enjoy freedom.
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