A
female
age
,
*omadopted
writes:I am a mother with several children one child is adopted and is now an adult. My child is bipolar and we get along better now but there are times after we have been together for several hours or a few days I find myself criticizing her to the point that she will say to me has anyone ever told you that you too bossy or you fuss too much? I do this because I am tired of picking up after this adult person. She drops things like candy papers and will not pick up after herself. I constantly remind her to pick up her stuff. We recycle plastic bottles and we rinse them and place them in the receptacle and she will place her plastic in the regular trash can. Time after time, like oh I forgot. (yeah, right.) I have put notes in my guest bathroom that say "the maid is off today so please pick-up after yourself and clean the tub when you finish". She knows how we keep our living space, clean and neat. I know how she keeps her place not clean and neat.I ask her is she taking her meds and she's not. When she and her child are with us her child cries when we are out of sight. Sometimes I even think that she is envious of the relationship we have with our grandchild. This relationship is always very hard work and we are exalted and we feel used most of the time and she is not appreciative nor gracious. And it's always about can you do this for me can you take me over here and there, can you hand me this or that. Right now she is mad so I will be able to get some rest for a few days. I really feel that I should move far away. What would you do? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Blue Sahara +, writes (7 July 2010):
 What would I do? I would rely on the teaching I gave her when she was growing up and let her be.
She is a grown woman. Nothing you say is going to make her change. The things you tell her will only make her see you as bitchy. It isn't going to make her wake up one day and say "You know what? When mom leaves sarcastic notes for me, I realize she is right!" When children turn about 21 the hold is lost over them. That fear of mom is mostly gone and now the woman who should slip into friend mood is just driving you crazy, not making you think.
This is your child and the mother of your grandchildren. Which is more important a wrapper or your relationship? Cause this is exactly the kind of thing were the grandparents are shaking their heads 2 years down the line going "Wow, I can't believe we never see our grandchildren anymore." And it will end cause of a years and years of being told to pick up a wrapper.
Also, I don't know a parent who doesn't feel underappreciated. No one feels sorry for parents who do. That's part of the job. Feeling like crap cause kids are ungrateful. When they are kids you can instill "Yes ma'am" "Thank you sir" in them. But when they are older, unfortunately, you have to sit back and reap the effects of your own parenting.
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