A
female
age
30-35,
*reeneggsandham
writes:I'm worried that my anxiety isn't the 'normal' everyday anxiety.This is because when it comes to relationships, I freak very easily, for example, I've seen this guy twice so far and tonight he wants to go out again. I'm currently feeling very sick and really tearful, wanting to hide in my room. I like him and would like a relationship, but I'm finding it very tiring and a little too much, even though nothing is going on!I've also had spouts in the past where I go out loads, like days in a row, then I won't go out for months, avoiding invites and friends because the idea of going out makes me anxious and I'd prefer to stay at home. I'm not sure if this is what is happening at the moment and I'm going through the 'staying in' phase while I'm seeing this guy.On the other hand, I don't want to self-diagnose, as I know how silly it can be. Any ideas as to what is going on with me? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Gauntlet  +, writes (1 February 2014):
 You may be an over-sensitive person. It's not a bad thing as it can be a means to feel more and accurately what's going on around you.Yet, this super-sensibility spoils your life. May I assume you are a virgin? If you are, it could be that "virgin panic" that is designed to help young women face the sweet talking of "fuck-and-go" guys...This terror is an anguish to leave your cosy child life, for a more troublesome adult life.If all these suppositions are right, don't fear anymore. You are in age to become a nice adult, to construct a meaningful life of your own. Never forget the worm has to become a beautiful butterfly to feel free. At last.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2014): You'll only get advice and opinions here; not a diagnosis.
People often read things online, try to match their own symptoms, and totally miss the mark.
I would recommend seeing a therapist if you have long periods of depression; meaning you feel sad and lethargic over extended periods of time. If you get extremely excited and feel on the verge of panic. When you feel extremely nervous over events or under circumstances that don't warrant so much emotion. When you can't seem to willfully control your emotions; and feel yourself getting extremely upset over small incidents. These may be symptoms of an anxiety disorder, but you shouldn't be alarmed. We all experience these feelings under stressful situations, or during periods of grief.
Also keep in mind that sometimes you may have mood swings related to weather, your menstrual cycle, and work-stress.
You should read the warning label for side-effects; if you're on birth-control.
We all get hit with the lazy-bug. That's just a part of human-nature. One minute you feel energetic; then you'd rather curl up with a good book, a glass of wine, and lie around in your tee and sweats. That shouldn't happen if you've made a commitment to someone. It's extremely rude.
If you feel sick, you see a doctor. That's common-sense.
All too often; people eagerly lead people on. They initiate the introduction; or send out unmistakeable signals of attraction. They are very receptive to romantic making arrangements. Only to stand them up; or cancel at the last minute. Leaving their date confused and disappointed.
You know right from wrong; and you know what you're able to handle, and what you're not. You admit having experiences in the past, so you are aware of the possibility you'll freak out at the last minute. So you prepare in advance.
It is totally unfair to allow someone to build-up their hopes; and schedule their time around you. You know how badly you feel when you get stood up. That's enough deterrent to make you cautious about setting up "false-alarm" dates.
Be considerate. If dating freaks you out; it's only logical you not be too eager to agree to them.
There is a certain amount of courtesy and respect you owe people. They have feelings too. Excuses have limited justification; when you put people through a lot of trouble and expense.
Invite a friend or family member over to help you get ready for your date; and to give you moral support. If you start getting anxious beyond the normal pre-date jitters;
you'll have someone to help settle your nerves. A cat is a wonderful companion when you're preparing for a date. They give you judgmental looks and make you watch your P's and Q's. Dogs are reassuring. They let you know, they'll be there if it doesn't work out.
Setup a ritual to calm yourself before dates. Prepare hours in advance of the date. Layout your outfit. Start your makeup, or set your hair. Chat with a friend on the phone and have relaxing music in the background. Have some calming herbal tea and a relaxing scented bubble bath.
Aromatherapy oils and scents added to the bath works for me.
I get very nervous before dates also. So I play very calming music. I meditate, and stretch. I often read to calm myself. The tension subsides, and then I'm less stressed about making an impression. I also remind myself how nervous my date must be at the same time. Hopefully he is, I want him to experience the same level of excitement and anticipation I'm feeling.
It's really a good idea to inform people asking you for a date that you get a little nervous. Don't agree to dates or schedule attendance for ticketed events; if you're already under a lot of stress. Dates are supposed to be stress-relievers.
You don't put fear into something that is meant to be pleasure.
If you talk with a mental-health professional, they will evaluate you and let you know if you're experiencing any level of anxiety that requires treatment, or just a few exercises to calm your nerves.
Don't presume there is a serious disorder; until it is confirmed by a licensed and qualified mental-health professional. You may only be a high-strung person; and just need a little coaching in the area of managing your
excitability, and learning to calm yourself under stress.
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