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male
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anonymous
writes: What is a healthy balance for seeing my girlfriend... I have been with her for over 7 months...I see my girlfriend on average 4 times a week between 6-10 hours. Most days my girlfriend doesn't want too go out or do anything because she complains she has lady pains or is too tired which i say fair enough and compromise...And sitting for that ammount of time in the same room can become quite tedious allthough i can stand it with my girlfriend....What is the healthy ammount of time too see my girlfriend? I find that seeing her for 2 hours which i rarely do but have done, is very good because it keeps this fresh...Is is true absennce makes the heart grow fonder? and would this upset my girlfriend if i told her? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (16 July 2006):
 In my opinion, a "healthy" amount of time is the amount that makes you both happy. There is no fixed number, or a formula you can apply, so how many hours, or how many days per month or whatever isn't really relevant.
The meat of the issue here isn't the number of times or hours you spend together; it's that she doesn't seem to want to put any effort into being good company and it leaves you doing all the work.
In fact, reading your letter, I get the feeling it's like visiting her in prison! Sure, if she has cramps and doesn't want to get physical, it's good of you to make allowances, but for her to be "too tired" to do anything more than be present together in a room? What's the deal? Is she in traction or something?
Yes, absence definitely makes the heart grow fonder for most people, because it gives them a chance to think about all the good and bad aspects of their partners. In your case, I think you need to be more absent so that she can decide that she misses you. Or she doesn't. When you think about it, since she isn't doing much with you, you wouldn't really be missing much.
And since she isn't putting in much effort, maybe you need to take a longer look at whether she actually *is* good company, or whether you two have just become used to each other.
Try talking her into at least a walk through a park or something with you. She can't have cramps every day of the month! But if she keeps insisting that you be the one doing all the work in the relationship, I suggest you re-examine what, if anything, you get from that.
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