A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello aunts and uncles. I have a fwb with this guy who I really fancy! He knows How much I fancy him, but we both know it will not become anything more.I'm just wondering how much effort should I or shouldn't I be putting in into our sexy time? I'm terms of what I'm wearing, should I be wearing sexy underwear and something different every time? Should I be making an effort with my make up, hair and nails? He sees me outside of this setting and knows I don't wear a lot of make up - if any - but I like my hair to be nice and wear nice clothes. But I fancy doing my nails and a bit more make up to try and make it a bit more memorable, so to keep him interested. I do find him very masculine and he turns me on a lot!Surely everyone knows guys are visual creatures, but would he think I'm making too much effort? Whats too much and whats not enough? I need a happy balance :)
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female
reader, llifton  +, writes (30 September 2013):
 ahhh, sorry, just read your update and saw where you explained you do not have feelings for him beside sexual ones. that being said, heck yeah, i totally think you should do those things. why not? i'm sure it'll drive him crazy and make the sex even better. and it'll probably make you feel really sexy and attractive, as well. i'm all for it.
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (30 September 2013):
if you're developing real feelings for this guy, i'd say you need to nip that in the bud now because you're going to wind up hurt. do you feel that you're actually having romantic interest in him and desiring more than fwb?
if you're not looking for more than just fwb, then i would say it couldn't hurt to do your hair, nails, and makeup. why not? nothing wrong with making yourself feel sexy and i'm sure he'll appreciate it!!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (29 September 2013):
 If that is the case then no worries. It sounds like you aren't really that experienced, or maybe insecure like so many girls are. We're trained from childhood to "please the man", which annoys me to no end.
But I will tell you that nothing gives a man greater satisfaction than having a woman who doesn't give a flying hoot about his satisfaction. Because whatever a woman thinks is good for the guy is rarely what he wants. What turns on every single guy I've ever had sex with is that I don't care what they think about me in bed. I do what I like, I say what I like, and I take what I want. I'm not someone who turns the light off because I'm insecure about my body, and I'm not someone who is still like a dead fish because I'm scared of how I will look, and I'm not quiet out of fear of how I will sound. And I don't make pretenses. Men appreciate that.
Do what YOU want. When YOU have a great time, so will he. If you worry about what HE wants, then you will have less of a great time, and he will equally have less of a great time. Take care of your own needs, when he sees you are satisfied he will feel like he's good in bed (even though it is all your work).
And, if he's good in bed, he will make sure to do the things that he likes without you having to try and read his mind.
Don't fuzz about it, if the sex is disappointing there are always other men out there who will jump at the opportunity.
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A
male
reader, GentleGiant  +, writes (29 September 2013):
I will not beat you up about FWB Relationships but sorry to burst your bubble. According to studies by prominent universities and collages this type of arrangement never works out well. Many but not all men who themselves part take in this are controlling individuals with little or no personality to contribute. Remember that your just a slab of meat to him nothing more. Just shower and wear a bath robe you wont need anything more. Just hope he is not recording the memorable event but then maybe you get off on that kind of thing. I don't know.Maybe you can get through this without being mentally and physically abused. If you do not believe me there are thousands of articles and actual blogs by people who have partaken in this life style. Just google it. And please remember that someday you are going to meet the man you want to be with and if you are a good looker you
could be subject to perpetual black mail. I have talked to a
lot of men because i play competitive hockey and i have asked them flat out if they would marry a woman who had FWB relationship or ships. Read my lips all have said they would
drop a woman like that no questions asked asap. I asked them again would they partake in a FWB relationship? All 15 of them said no. Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2013): You're making an effort to impress him; but it's strictly about the sex.
I'm going to respond to the question you didn't ask.
Should you keep up this charade; and up your game to see if it will make him have feelings toward you?
You admit that you fancy him. You're using your body to keep him around. Your adornments and extra effort isn't appreciated like a woman dressing up for a man who cares for her. You're just fueling his fantasies. His feelings are being saved for someone else. Your genitals and boobs are all he wants from you.
You're still attempting to add feelings as an ingredient to the recipe; but he isn't looking for the extra calories.
You have placed yourself on hold, trying to pry emotional attachment out of this guy. You deserve better than that.
Going out of your way doesn't matter. He's still going to see other women; and you're going to be hurt by it.
Free yourself to find yourself someone ready to offer you his feelings and a full benefit package.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2013): I know about the release of that chemical, I've read all about it!
It happened once with my ex long term boyfriend, but not with any of the other guys I have slept with (about 5), not sure why. I'm hoping I don't work in that way!
Yeah, SageOldGuy1465, I'll turn up smelling of curry and beer, in my roughs shall I, see what happens then lol!
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (29 September 2013):
 Girls who believe that "FWB" is anything other than "FWB" are deluding themselves...
Guys are only "visual creatures" when they are pursuing a woman who either doesn't exist.... or one who they think might put out.....
YOU, have clearly indicated your agreement to put out.... so the "visual" thing is strictly for yourself.
You could show up in a soiled, tattered potato sack.... and, once you removed it and made yourself available for s*x, he could care less that you wore that or a Gucci gown that you got from Tina Fay after the Emmys!!!!!
Good luck. I'm betting that you look HOT... but that he could care less....
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (29 September 2013):
 OP, good, memorable sex has nothing to do with the way you decorate yourself. He already wants to receive "benefits" from you (and nothing else), so as long as you've showered, brushed your teeth and shaved your legs, I doubt he really notices or cares.
Good, memorable sex happens when there's either good physical AND emotional connection, or (rarely IMO) when there's an absolutely *amazing* physical connection. Either way, he won't care about your nails, make up and underwear (that won't be on for long).
A word of warning: despite your best intentions, you may well develop an emotional attachment to this guy. Sex leads to the release of a hormone called oxytocin, which promotes bonding/ attachment. Be careful.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2013): OP here again.
Thanks for all your replies, and very interesting q's Chigirl :) I'm not wanting to dress nicely because I feel I should though, I actually 'want' to, but didnt want him to get the wrong message.
I just feel like having sex with someone and they're not enjoying it is no good, it's a bit off putting, which is why I want it to be good from both sides. I can enjoy myself more if I know he's having fun too.
Thanks again for all your responses :-)
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (29 September 2013):
Mind if I ask you some questions instead?
Why do you act like you are offering yourself up for this guy, and act like you "should" do anything? Why can't you make up your own mind and do what YOU want to do? Why is what you want supposedly the man's call? He's not even your boyfriend, so what right can he possibly have to even utter his opinion on what you wear?
Sexy underwear is for when YOU want to feel sexy. Wear it if you like to. Wear it if you know it drives him crazy and YOU want to drive him crazy. DON'T wear it if you think that's what you "should" do. Or worse, because HE wants you to.
You're a grown woman in 2013, not some make-up doll of the 19th century who is trying to woo a man into proposing to her by dressing up nicely and showing off the correct manners.
Exactly why are you so interested in serving as this man's doormat? When I have casual sex with lovers, FWB, one night stands... I never care about what the man wants. I'm there to have a good time and fulfill MY needs, and the man is there solely to fulfill HIS needs. So he needs to worry about what he wants and I only worry about what I want. It never crossed my mind to "give him memorable sex". Why would I want to give him that? So that he'll dream of me for all eternity and want to make me his forever?
Exactly WHY do you want him to remember you, if you honestly don't see a future with him? Just don't look like a mess and it'll be fine. Common manners is to be clean, preferably had a shower etc, but beyond that there's no "should" when it comes to casual sex. He's lucky to get some. He wont care any more about you no matter what you wear or how you do your hair. He'll just remember you as an easy lay that's all.
Although I must say one of my one night stands remembered me fondly because I was the only girl who never tried to sleep my way into a relationship, and I didn't make believe that the casual sex was more than it was. So he was very comfortable to speak to me again and it was never awkward. But no man has ever cared what I wore, and thus neither should the woman care what she wares. At least, she shouldn't care more about her attire than she cares about HIS.
What do you feel HE should wear, if you feel there is a standard to what YOU must wear? And again, WHY do you want to impress him so badly? Why this need for him to remember you? What exactly do you want out of this?
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (29 September 2013):
 Wearing special knickers and putting on more mascara isn't going to keep him as a permanent FWB or transition him to boyfriend status.
He's already your FWB so he considers you attractive enough to bed. Garters and more eye shadow do not change your personality. Nor will they change his mind that you are undateable.
Do what makes YOU feel good about yourself. Though I have to say, if you are really falling for your FWB you are off on the wrong track. The whole point of it is that nothing more comes of it.
Men who are happy to have sex with women with no strings attached are plentiful. If you are happy with FWB then fine, but somehow I don't think you are, if you are trying so desperately to keep him interested.
I'd start looking for a guy who IS available to be a proper boyfriend and if that means you need to cut off Mr. Masculine then that may be the best thing you've ever done for yourself. Food for thought.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2013): OP here :) No, no, no I do not have any kind of loving feelings towards him.
As I said we both are on the same page knowing it will not go any further.
When I say 'fancy' him, I mean in a sexual way. Sure he is very funny to be around and it's all light and easy, which is great, it's what suits me and him after recent break ups
I mean he makes me feel very turned on and so I want to give him good memorable sex, that is all.
That's why I don't want him to get the wrong message and think I'm trying too hard, cause its for no other reason than the sex.
But my question is how much is tooth and what is the right amount?
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (29 September 2013):
 Did you say that you fancy him, as in you have feelings for him? Would you be making yourself up more in order to try to get him to consider more than FWB with you? If so, don't fall for it. You make up for YOURSELF, not him. If you are having feelings for him, you've gotta back away from him, or you will get really seriously hurt.
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