A
female
age
41-50,
*L1994
writes:How many of your trust your 'gut instinct' when it comes to relationships? Me and my bf have been having alot of problems lately and I ended the relationship (which hurt me so much) a few months ago. Ever since then my bf has been constantly phoning, texting and writing me letters saying that he wants to sort it out and that he can't just walk away from me. I have finally given in after 2 months and decided to give it another go. He moved out of my home a few months ago and is back living with his parents and he has started coming to mine at weekends. My issue here is that he now seems to have distanced himself a bit from me. He is not calling or texting me as much as he used to and I am finding it quite hard. I now seem to be the one making all the effort. My gut instinct tells me that something else is going on, that there's maybe another distraction or a reason why he is now not so 'full on'. Am I right to trust my instinct or could I be seeing things that are not there? Any honest opinions would be greatfully received!
View related questions:
moved out, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2010): Wow, I guess persistance sometimes pays off!
I agree with DrPsch that you shouldn't ignore your gut instinct, nor forget the reasons you broke up in the first place. However, I would keep those thoughts in mind, but don't necessarily throw in the towel. Things are harder to (re)build than break, and it will take time and effort.
Your ex could have just walked away when you ended it (as many of us do), but put all that effort in to get a second chance instead. Remember that it was you who ended it, so - from that perspective - it is only fair that you put more effort in to making it work again. That's how I would feel as a 'dumpee' anyway...
Don't ignore your gut instict, and reflect on whether you do really want to get back with him. If the answer is yes, take things slowly and be prepared to eat a slice or two of humble pie til he feelshe let down his guard again.
I hope it works out for you both. Few of us get a second chance, so make the most of it (if it's what you REALLY want).
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2010): Of course he has distanced himself from you. The reason why he is not being as available as much as before, is because you broke up the relationship and he is being cautious. He doesn't want to put too much effort in at the moment as he most likely wants to be sure of the relationship this time around. He is guarding himself from getting hurt again, as I am sure he must have hurt when you split up. You need to prove to him you mean business and that you are serious about him this time. Work out the problems you initially had and talk to him and continue to show him you are serious. In time he may come round and give you more, for the time being I suggest you take it easy and cut him some slack.
...............................
A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (6 December 2010):
 He may not be so 'full on' because he likes the thrill of the chase. Once he gets what he wants then he cools it. Your gut instinct is a good thing to go with in most cases of uncertainty...it is the nearest thing most of us have to common-sense in the hectic world in which we live. You have got to decide if the relationship has a future at all. The answer to this rests with why you broke up before. If he hurt you because he cheated or you were both fighting a lot then it will probably get back to that situation again. If it was some other exceptional circumstance then perhaps there is a chance. It can only work long-term if you both put in a lot of effort. Ultimately it is braver to abandon a sinking ship than go down with it. Single life isn't so bad and being stuck in a bad relationship stops you finding one that is better for you.
...............................
|
