A
female
age
41-50,
*rin997
writes:I've been with my wonderful boyfriend for just about 1.5 years. It has been the best relationship I've ever been and I know that I want to marry him, although the time is not quite right. There are things we both want to do, for example I want to finish my Bachelor's degree and he wants to be more financially stable. We hardly ever argue and mostly it's over stupid things and we are always laughing together and are best friends. I also have a 6 year old daughter that loves him like he is her father. I love his family and they love us and have accepted us into their lives. Anyway, this past year and a half have been the best times and we've had so much fun together.Here's the problem. He came over and told me that he's not 100% sure that I'm the one and that it wouldn't be right to be together and "string me along" if he's not sure. He says he needs to take some time to think about what he wants. We were both devastated and crying and he's not happy about this at all, which I feel should tell him something. He doesn't know how long it will take. I basically told him that in any relationship, it takes a lot of work. His parents have a fantastic marriage and are still totally in love and that's all he's ever seen. I told him that no one knows when they go into marriage whether things will work out but they know they have to work at it constantly. I told him that those people that divorce most likely did not give the relationship 100% and chose to give up and stop working on it. I told him that because I love him so much, I want to make this work and want to give him the time he needs to sort all of this out. He basically wants minimal to no contact until he figures all of this out. My question is, how long do I wait for him to figure out what he wants?
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female
reader, iagirl +, writes (12 December 2007):
 I'd say that your best bet is to start pretending that the relationship is already over. He says he wants no contact from you, so give him what he wants. Go out with your friends, take up a new hobby, and most importantly think about what YOU want (this isn't all about him you know). Hopefully once he sees what he's missing, he'll come running back and want to marry you. If not, then he was never The One and at least you spent your time living, and not waiting.
I also agree with baby duck above. Don't let him destroy your health or your relationships with other people. You need to protect yourself from that and end the relationship if this waiting period starts to hurt you.
A
female
reader, irin997 +, writes (12 December 2007):
irin997 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you baby duck for your insight and I will follow your advice. Much appreciated.
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