A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ive recently split from my boyfriend of 5 1/2 years, I had always assumed he was the one i would spend the rest of my life with, but a year ago things started to fall into place..i found out he had been lying about stuff and who he was for years and pointlessly. Eventually I found out he had brought a house and wasnt living where he said he was, he denied it but I wanted the lies to stop and dumped him. I have since found out that he has very real mental health issues and has been lying to himself about who he is for awhile and was going through some kind of break down at the time. I feel guilty that he couldnt confide in me after over 5 years together. Despite going through a lot with him, and my friends and family being dead against him I do still love him and care about him and miss him terribly, I would like nothing more than to help him even just as a friend.It has been 8 weeks now since i split from him and its getting worse, i havent heared or seen him since ,it almost seems like he has disapeared, in the past he was always the one to make the first move after a row etc.Ive been at university for 4 years and he was with me all the way, we had planned so much for when i finished, I got my results last month and he doesnt even know what i got, it just seems so unbelievable that it could come to this!Im totally lost, I dont know what to do. Since we split I have been going out lots and socialising in an effort to try and forget him but he was so much apart of my life and as time moves on I really want to get back in contact... how long should I wait, is it too soon? and how best is it to resume contact (it is unlikely that i will ever bump into him by chance, but we have two mutual friends)? please help!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe trouble is that I will never know if he is recieving the help he needs unless I speak to him personaly,and maybe let him know what I know, but in a way were I dont confront the fact that he lied.. He has a morbid fear of confrontation, so I would like to try and get in contact initially just very friendly and not ask much of him.
I dont have his new address but Im thinking maybe a nice friendly email to ask how things are in general and maybe surgesting we meet for a casual drink?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes I got my masters in the end! Unfortunately though I do not KNOW if he is seeking help in any way, I knew he was going for counciling when we started seeing each other because he tried to commit suicide when he was younger. I know nothing for certain because he has always lied to me, and played his friends and family off against me. Looking back on things I can see now what happened and how, sadly because there are so many questions surrounding our relationship because of his lies and deceit, my friends and family are so against him and can only now slag him off, but they werent the ones in the relationship and cant see it like I now do. I only know now for sure that he has a metal illness,although I have always suspected it! I have been told that in confidence by his closest and oldest friend but he refused to offer me much more detail, but hinted that he is bi-polar. The reason I ended it was because he kept so much from me. But I do think that he has been recieving some help, but just lied about it to me, so I dont know exactly what help he has got. Looking back I can see times when this was obvious and his mum has always been very odd with him and in hinesight i can see she has hinted about his problems. I do want to get in touch and after some breathing space hopefully he can see that I care. I feel so bad but at the time there was nothing I could do but leave him, he left me no choice, after what I found out about him.I dont know how to make the first move to reach out to him, and what to say as it is such a sensitive subject, and I feel I dont know him. Its all such a mess, but I cant feel happy doing nothing I still love him and feel for him terribly.
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