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male
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*uta
writes: Hi,I am married. My wife is extremely money conscious and I perhaps have not been in the past.I accumulated some debt while I was young and in the early days of our relationship, before we were married, which is a real burden - not too much - £10,000GBP or $20,000USD. I have a loan to consolodate and have worked hard to get it paid and the loan is now half what it was a year ago.Unfortunately this has menat that we always struggle to go on holidays together or do things we want to like fix up the house etc etc...I can't afford it.She really holds it against me. She earns half again what i earn and I don't understand why she won't help me pay off the loan so we can get on with a happier life. I am not and have not accumulated more debt since then, but she out right refuses to help me pay it.I know other married couples that have helped each other through these situations.I'm not sure what I'm asking you.Just very frustrated with the situation..
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2005): You seem pretty well on track. It could be her way of making sure you are not tempted to spend again. If it was me though, I would have preferred to get rid of the debt as soon as possible between us, but then we have different circumstances as I have £30,000 debt in my name through helping my husband out!
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (11 November 2005):
 Did she know about your debts before the marriage? If she agreed then to help then she should but if she didn't agree then it's your debts and you pay. Any debts you incur together should be paid together.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2005): Most people try to earn extra money to retire the debt, so as not to burden the household budget with the debt payments. And, most marriage involve two adults who both work to pay the bills. Rarely does one partner earn enough where the other can stay at home with the children, if they have them. That was not the case after WWII. When I married back in 1972, we both had school debts to repay, and after my debts was paid off, we spent all of my paycheck on household expenses while she saved the bulk of hers so she could double the payments on her loans. We managed to pay off everything within 3 years working together. But, I drove a used car, and we were fairly sparing on how we spent money on everything. We were young, and had gone without during college and law school, so this was not as big a shock as it might be to some others.
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