A
male
age
36-40,
*andomromantic
writes:Ok guys today in class i had a major break through in my opinion. In the back of my mind in always thinking about what happened and why, and all the good stuff. I came to the conclusion so far that ive been depressed and that is what really did the relationship in. I didnt know why i was that way until i think now.I was thinking of the man she fell in love with, and the man she broke up with, and i saw that they were not one in the same. To say the least...What i saw there after as i looked through the relationship was that i totally lost myself as an individual, i lost me. When her and i met, i was having a Great time with my great friends and i was desirable. Well my friends happened to not make it in the college life and nearly all dropped out, all that was left was me and her. Unfortunately i withdrew to her, i made the worst possible mistake, i moved in with her at a time when i was vulnerable. Moving in with her at that time utterly destroyed any shred of individuality i had, without me even knowing it. Then i became depressed from what i believe was my lack of identity, confidence dropped, insecurities arose, dependency soon followed.I feel good knowing now what happened, i finally have a tangible objective, even if i dont get her back i know what i need to fix.So my question to you all is, how does one maintain there identity in a relationship?She went no contact with me and i know why. How could she become herself if i was pestering her?How do i regain myself?And, if i do, is this something i can maintain?And does this fall under the category of irreconcilable differences or not?
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broke up, confidence, depressed, fell in love, moved in Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (19 September 2008):
Spending time apart is absolutely key.
Having the space to go out with your own mates and just having a night in by yourself.
It keeps the romance and you don't get in the habit of just sitting together looking scruffy and never making the effort.
Good Luck!! xx
A
female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (19 September 2008):
 I know exactly what you mean. One minute you're head over heal in love with someone, the next you don't even know who you are anymore.
I think the problem is when we fall in love we give everything to the person we are with. We forget the life we had before we met them. Friends, family, hobbies, career goals, ambitions. We make our partners the center of our lives. Now I realize that is a HUGE mistake. Because our partner cannot fullfill a void that is missing. Only we ourselves can do that.
So to answer your question..you don't lose yourself, by still doing the things that you enjoy in life.
Find hobbies, join clubs, exercise. These things rebuilt our self esteem
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