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male
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anonymous
writes: Dear Agony Aunt,I'm a single parent with two children, who have now "just" become teenagers. I've looked after them both on my own since before one of them was still in nursery school. However, I'm quite lonely, feel I've been out of the relationships game for a long time, and I haven't a clue how to get back into it. Although quite healthy, with a good job, I learnt early on, that having two kids does not make you the most eligible of men. I long for more adult company, it's now making me depressed, and I'm becoming quite grumpy with the kids, who are more demanding than ever.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2005): Dear male anon,
I jumped the fence at the Glastonbury Festival several years ago and never looked back! Recapure the reclessness of youth, look after your health and your body, and don't get middle aged at least until you are 60.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2005): You are a man with many responsibilities. I have one child about your children's ages (he's 14) and it is exhausting work to rise him well and all alone, at that. Child rearing can be emotionally draining and we need distractions and do something to make ourselves happy. Without a partner it can get lonely, so I can understand your wish for a partner.
There are few women who want to take on other people’s children, especially two of them, just entering the "teen" years. They are out there but they are rare birds. I think you are correct that the issue will hinder some relationships. People who are raising their children, are at a disadvantage in the dating market. At the same time, big-hearted women take on big responsibilities in stepparent roles every day. People who do it well and give it their best. They are the people who go the extra step in commitment.
In your shoes, I would leave my heart open to the possibility of a partner but I would make sure your children are protected from any dating or relationships for a substantial amount of time. Remember, they come first with any choices you make. Children should not be subjected to a parent's love-interest; they don’t have the understanding and filters to manage it. I think divorced parents need to separate their children completely from their dating life. I think you should go with the 6 month rule. If you get established with a love interest, do not introduce your kids to her until your relationship has become solid and well established, usually after the 6 month mark. If you do decide to allow your kids to meet her...do it very, very slowly. There are many ways to meet nice ladies, such as letting friends know you are looking.
Sometimes good friends are good ways to meet available ladies. Get networking and have fun!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2005): You haven't said what you like to do for recreation? Or has it been so long since you had any " free " time, that you don't have any hobbies? Surely you had some as a kid. If so, explore these and find others who share your interests. Then meet people, and you will find someone who is also divorced or single, and looking for an experienced parent, and hard worker.
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