A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:How does a person who has been molested know when they're ready for a relationship?How does the molested person know that what they are feeling for some guy is really real as opposed to just being obsessed with the person? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2008): Well I myself have been molested....and it doesn't really come into play when I am thinking about being in a relationship...even though it does make me put my guard up..to protect my sexuality and to not let anyone use and abuse me...but it doesn't really affect me that much....anywho I feel that you should go on to date guys and which ever one you feel you're most compatible with...and who you feel that you can trust, love, and grow with then that's who you begin your relationship with(:
A
male
reader, jonjoe66  +, writes (1 November 2008):
Hello - i am a lot older than but had the same issues once.
Obsession is destructive as you know so you will experience all the negativity that it brings eg Jealousy/suspicion and resentment, there is a stark difference.. THIS IS NOT REAL.. Obsession is often misinterpreted as a crush you know just fancying someone you may think about them all the time you fantasise about them this usually a deep crush nothing more sure you wish you had them but you know you cannot..usually they are out of reach so you just move on and think tut if only! .. if you are obsessed you will feel betrayal almost that he isnt feeling the same.. dont mess with obsession you are fragile enough.. if you feel negative thoughts about somebody in this way then get some advice mate this is thin ice and you may not be ready to trust your emotions with anybody just yet
TRUST has to be the first thing i can tell you. Your fears will be exposing yourself both physically and emotionally the latter being the most important - does he make you laugh/feel safe/feel wanted/ feel respected/feel empowered/feel confident/ feel GOOD if so well you are winning hands down the trust is developing a BIG TIP dont use him as a therapist your experiences will be frightening to him and he will think you are complex and fragile, not a good start.. leave the therapy to your therapist (if you have not got one then it may be a good time to dig them up again if you feel you need too of course)enjoy his company and except ALL his baggage whatever that is.. go slowly and be true to yourself if it doesnt feel right it may not be.
The physical side will come naturally.. try being just cuddly at first but be sure you are ready NO BOOZE because if it gets scary and you react you will have too explain yourself and this is where problems can begin.. TRUST TRUST TRUST... When the time is right you will tell him about your experiences but be sure it is the right time be sure your trust and integrity in him is satisfied first.
I have had bad reactions in the past by wrongly trusting people its all about excepting your past and moving on easier said than done i know but it will happen..truly!
Good luck mate and take good care - John
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