A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi allI have a simple problem, the problem is that I have no idea how to make friends. I had a hard childhood and when I moved to my dads I got a PC then basically got hooked. Im not what you would call a stereotypical geek, im actually a very sociable person and no one would guess im a geek. Im 20 and im at a stage in my life where depression has more than set in over the past years and its due to lack of going out.I dont know the first thing about approaching and proceeding into friendship. People will speak to me and im more than happy to speak back but I cant initiate and figure out how to carry it forward. It's getting to the stage when im not at uni im sleeping 16hrs a day just so I dont have to get up and face another day sitting in my bedroom (for which my last 6-8 years have been spent on a pretty much full time basis) staring at my PC or playing games that take a long time to complete just to waste the time.In the new year im getting to the gym (im about average build which is a lucky escape) and have decided its time to make my life what I want.Im desperately seeking advice and/or any reading material or websites that can help.Thanks for taking the time to read, sorry if it rambles a bit.P.s. Im doing IT at uni and there are really rubbish societies to join (would be more of a burden). Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2008): Smile!
That's the best way to start.
Lets say,
you walk in to a library and some one is reading a book.You sit down across them and say "Hey!How is the reading/studying going?".At times people let their frustrations pour.As Aunt Sirena rightly said,be a good listener.
Then start saying Hi and smile at them when ever you meet.Then slowly you become friends.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the responses but the problem is not so much where to go rather what do you say ? how do you approach people without seeming weird ?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2008): i have thing for nerd guy and he rejected me .
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2008): the most the guys i like are nerds.
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A
male
reader, timbo  +, writes (27 December 2008):
dude, do you like doing anything like say, bowling? go to a bowling ally, hang out, bowl, join a league, talk to and meet people, get a p/t job there, you can always talk about bowling, then offer to hang out or go somewhere for pizza, your treat. just stop thinking of yourself in a negative way.dont force it and before you know it youll have friends unless you are really a jerk.Bowling is just an example and many other activities can be inserted. I dont bowl myself
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A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (27 December 2008):
 I nearly forgot to mention this, but it's important. It helps to be around people who have common interests. You say that the societies at your school are no good, but there must be other extracurriculars for you to get involved in.
You have to find your niche... an identity and a place where you belong I had a rough time making friends in middle school.
I found myself when I picked up the guitar. I was shy and my family was unhappy, I was never particularly attractive, or athletic, or scholarly and it was hard to make friends because I felt lost in the shuffle. I discovered music, and I finally was known for something other than mediocrity, lol. I felt a sense of belonging with the music and drama "weirdos."
I felt fully accepted when I went to live in another country. I think that it might do you good to travel a bit. I sense that you just lack confidence, and trust me, living abroad can change that. :)
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A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera +, writes (27 December 2008):
The first step to making progress (I've learned this the hard way btw) is to realize that you are discontent and decide that you want to change. It seems you have done just that. Enhorabuena (congratulations). :)
I'm not sure if this helps, but I do have one suggestion. Are you good at listening? More than initiating, one of the qualities people appreciate most in a friend is the ability to listen and understand. Unfortunately, most people are not good listeners.
People are ego-freaks and like to talk. I used to have a really hard time making friends, until I had an epiphany and realized this. Instead of getting all worked up about "what am I gonna say," I would focus on what the other person was saying, imagine how they were feeling, and asked them questions and took an interest in what they were saying.
My best friends tend to be people who are good listeners. People want someone who will listen and understand their feelings. :)
I would ask around at your college and look in your area for classes on how to be a good listener.
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