A
female
age
36-40,
*ettyBoup
writes:How do you seduce a man who has gone off sex? I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years. Our relationship is on/off in nature as I spend half of my time away for my studies. I think this affects our sex life as he takes a while to get used to me again. I feel we should make the most of our time together sexually as we only see each other half of the year. He is happy not to have sex for a fortnight at a time, whereas I'd love it every day!Age is a factor as he is 16 years older than me. I'm 24, he's 40. He says he just doesn't have the same libedo he used to, plus he has a physical, tiring job. Having talked about his, he says I just need to force him to have sex with me when he's lazy. He says he will do it and enjoys it once he does, he just can't be bothered most of the time. But I never know when to ask because if I try it on at the wrong time when he's tired he'll snap at me and get angry.Plus the idea of having to force or bully/nag him to get him to sleep with me is a complete turn off. I'm not a naturally dominant person and having to initiate sex all the time is not me, it makes me depressed.What can I do to spark his desire? He does sometimes want sex with me but it is once a week/fortnight, which simply isn't enough for me. Not since we see each other for only a month at a time. He says he is very attracted to me but he just loses interest in frequent sex once he's in a long term relationship.I really adore this man and will try anything to make it work. Sex should not be like this, sex should be a joy.Help!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2010): im older than 40 and i am the same as i ever was. i suspect somethings playing on his mind or he`s either tired or stressed. dont mention anything or it could get worse if he starts dwelling on it. try and tease him without making it obvious why you are doing it.
A
female
reader, BettyBoup +, writes (3 March 2010):
BettyBoup is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks for your answers guys, they mean a lot.
I have tried just going for it, but often he knows what I'm after and he just says I'm too tired etc. Even if I just brush my hand against his crotch he's like nooo I'm not in the mood etc. He just assumes I want sex, when often I just want to be playful :(
I know what you mean domo kun, sometimes I feel like a pervert, when I think sex and being rude and intimate with each other is an essential part of a relationship. Perhaps we are simply mismatched and I will have to decide whether to live in a sexless but otherwise great relationship with a man I absolutely adore. Or whether I should end it and try to find someone who matches me on libido but who I might not connect with and love as much as I do him :( Tough call!
I think I'll just give it more time and see what happens next time we are together. I'll try to explain how I feel better, if things are the same and see if we can make it work.
Thanks for your help :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2010): Men's sex drive usually decrease after they turn 25 or so. That's not everyone, but the average. One thing you may want to try is instead of asking, just go for it. Start caressing him and giving him kisses. I find assertive women very attractive and would find it nearly impossible to resist if my girl showed me what she wanted.
The bigger issue I see is that you don't like having to initiate sex all the time. I ran into this with my last GF. She never would initiate. It made me feel unwanted and left me wondering about her intentions with our relationship. Ultimately it led to a luke warm feeling toward her. On one level I loved her, but I didn't feel we were compatible enough for a lasting relationship.
If you want to make it work, you'll have to compromise, but so will he. Tell him that you hate having to beg for sex and won't do it, but that it is important to you that you do it more than you are. If he wants to make it work he should work to find a happy middle ground with you.
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