A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:How do you know when those little things that annoy you about your partner are getting too much and too many?My boyfriend of 13 months has just bought a house. Since I met him he has lived with his parents while the house was being done up, and so I am only getting to find out now what he is really like living alone. He is very slow at getting things done fixing the house up, seems to have completely no idea about cleaning, and I get very frustrated with the influence his mother has over him. (She annoys me anyway as she is always on at me about going on a diet, which I find offensive, fair enough I am largish, but I don't think it is her place to say this to me). I love him, but am getting increasingly frustrated with this part of him. I don't want to change him, as I want to want him exactly as he is, but when I think about our future I wonder if I could ever live with him. I would hate to spend the rest of my life nagging, which is how it feels right now. Is it possible for me to become less focussed on these things, and just accept him this way? Does anyone have any tips for me to relax about it? He is such a kind lovely person, I don't want this to become a problem for us. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (15 August 2007):
 Can you imagine your life without him? If so it may be that the two of you simply aren't compatible, no matter how lovely he is. On the other hand, if the thought of living without him makes you deeply sad, then it's time to work on these little things. Number one, all men need to be trained. Number two, he's used to his mother doing alot for him which is probably why you don't measure up in her eyes...not yet anyways. But before you assume the role of his new "mother" why not sit him down and tell him that he no longer lives at home and it's time he learn how to do a few things on his own, like cleaning up after himself. I suspect alot of his ignorance is because he's never been taught. For awhile you may have to program yourself to focus on the things he does do right so you don't step into the role his mother has always had of being an overbearing nag. The true test of any relationship is when you move in together, but if you love someone you usually learn how to live with their little flaws and come to eventually find them endearing. I wish you the best.
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