A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:How do you have a conversation "about us" with a man without freaking him out? I've read so many self help books that emphasise that this is exactly the sort of thing that will send a man running but my style is usually very direct - people either respect it or they hate it. I have to talk about "us". My ex boyfriend went away for a few months and he was having doubts about us before he left. He ended things and said we would meet up when he got back and see what happens. We've met up a number of times now and have a wonderful time but there has been no talk of how he feels about me or whether he has had any thoughts on whether we might still be able to be together. I was and am still in love with him. He knows this and I think it's only fair after the roller coaster he has put me through that we at last touch base about 'where we're at' - in other words, confront the elephant in the living room. I will be gentle with him but would appreciate some tips from men on the best way to approach this! Thanks.
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female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (6 March 2010):
Bollocks to them, I say.
If he is not man enough to be able to say "yes I want you to be my girlfriend." then he's not worth having.
Just tell him "Look, I really don't want to get hurt. I have to know if you want us to be together or if this is just nice but never going anywhere. You don't have to answer now, but I need to start getting over you so much as I love spending this time with you, please don't contact me again unless you want to seriously give our relationship a go."
Then cut contact.
Let him miss you and find out what life with out you is like.
If he calls you then great, if not, then you had already made the decision to get over him.
I hate the fact we girls are forced into that position of having to drag commitment kicking and screaming from a man.
He should want to be with you, not be coaxed into it. Is this what you think you are worth? Love him or not. Look in the mirror and put your feelings aside and think how you want to be treated, then demand that.
Good Luck!! xx
A
female
reader, sarcy24 +, writes (6 March 2010):
 My advice here would be if you want him don't have this kind of conversation. However it is phrased men hate it and shy away from it at all costs. I suggest you continue doing fun things and having good dates, building up credit so to speak and make it so wonderful for him that he is the one who initiates 'the talk'. That would be much more satisfactory as it doesn't look like you are pushing him in any way and the idea has come from him.
I know its not what you want to do but it will work if you want him. Trying to get him to talk about his feelings or committing is probably not going to work and will just push him further away.
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