A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:How do you get over somebody cheating on you? My husband didn't really cheat on me, he just wrote to a woman and told her she was attractive and enjoyed the nude pictures she sent him. No matter how hard I try I just can't seem to get over it. Knowing that he found another woman attractive and instead of telling me I was beautiful he told her. No matter how much he tells me now that I am pretty, I just don't find myself attractive anymore. I have found myself looking for men on the internet, just to see if someone out there finds me attractive. My husband can tell me I am beautiful a million times and I won't believe him, but I think if I was to hear it from someone else I could possibly believe it. So can anyone tell me how to get over this, or at least how I can get my self esteem back?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2009): Since I'm a guy I can offer you an explanation from the guy side of things which may help. Girls are attractive, if we fall in love with one it doesn't mean we suddenly become gay to the rest of them. Guys continue to find other girls, that are not their loves/wifes, attractive. It's normal for us. It doesn't mean that you are any less beautiful because he thought that someone else was. He is with you, he is not with her! Obviously you mean more to him than the girl who sent the pictures to him. Compare how both you and the other girl are treating him. She is sending naked pictures of herself in the hopes of enticing him (makes him feel wanted). You are offering anger and lack of trust (makes him feel unwanted). Yet, he is with you isn't he? I'm married too, I don't have a problem telling other girls that they are attractive. I'm not going to marry them though. I hope they just feel better hearing it from me. I don't think they're going to have any interest in me just because I said that though. They know I'm married, won't cheat, and will stay married. Sometimes when people state the obvious about you, it increases your confidence. So I do for those that look like they could use some confidence, there is no ulterior motive, and I'm not lying to them. Even if you hear it from another guy, don't you think that guy will find some other girl attractive as well? By the way, you're attractive, you look beautiful. You don't have a picture up so I can't say that but if you did, would it make you feel better if I said that? Of course, I would give an honest answer, or no answer at that point. If a girl sent me naked pictures of herself I would feel obligated to tell her that I found her attractive. Or at the very least say that they were "nice". Would you like to hear from the guy that you liked that the naked pictures of yourself had no effect on him? Seriously, I think you're blowing this issue up much more than it needs to be. You need to ask that girl to stop sending naked pictures of herself to your husband. And tell your husband to stop looking at her naked pictures. Finally, regardless of what you look like, there will *ALWAYS* be someone who finds you attractive. People have a lot of different fetishes, and apparently each person fits some other person's fetish.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2009): There is no real answer to this. Looking for men on the internet or revenge wont ease the pain. It seems this kind of cheating is increasing. you have found out about it and if he does it again,then you know exactly what youre in for. What has happened doesnt mean youre unattractive,it means he has no respect for you.
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A
female
reader, Starlights  +, writes (15 July 2009):
 i think us girls all have our insecurity issues,
but your husband really did the dirty by doing that with the other women.
if your sticking with him u need to move away from all negative past,
& label urself as "classy" rather than a titty bitty whore like the other lady!
we're all born unique and different, so your beautiful in your own way, the only way u can regain ur self esteem is by giving urself a break and being kinder to yourself starting from within.
good luck!
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