A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:How do you deal with your partner not wanting sex as much as you do? I've been with my boyfriend for a few years and for a long time now I have really struggled with his diminished interest in sex. It feels like there is this fire raging inside me and now I am starting to get burnt. We love each other so very much but that seems to just add to the heartache.I've tried spicing things up, being romantic, doing nice things, giving him space, making no advances, surprising him and talking about it with him but nothing seems to work. If I bring it up he gets all concerned and things instantly improve but only for a while and then it drops off. Last time we spoke about it he reluctantly agreed to go to the doctor but never did.When I have raised the issue tiredness and not enough time to unwind is the only reason he gives. He has as much time as the normal person to unwind and if he's tired it is only because he goes to bed too late. Our last holiday during which he was very well rested and relaxed was just like we were at home as far as the bedroom was concerned.I tend to myself to dull my desires but now I always feel depressed and a tad angry after doing it as I didn't want to masturbate, I wanted to have sex with my partner whom I love.I feel lost and don't know what to do anymore.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2008): As a guy, I can connect with what he might be going through.
When I first met my girlfriend, I had a pretty simple life. No problems with friends, family or work. When I met her, I was excited. Things happen along the way though. Sometimes, our schedules would be interrupted, whether because of work, family or other things that you agreed to. Most jobs are simple if you can go in and work on it alone, but that situation isn't always the norm, you have to work with others to get something done. Personality conflicts, ego's, turn into troubling working environments, and can leave some of us troubled, because we are not sure how to handle it, and we don't want to make things worse. If we can't find a resolution to the problem, we become stressed and preoccupied. I think guys deal with this type of situation terribly, whereas girls have a better handle on it, but not always. Women seem to have better coping skills compared to men. We men can be overwhelmed by this problem and shut down everything else. Communication is important, and if this is the case for your guy, then being supportive, available to listen is important. If you feel you understand the situation, you might ask to offer your opinion.
The above is a basic example how guys might deal with mental-issue-type-tasks. Similar responses can be from troubles with other aspects of life and a relationship. Something troubling him, and if about a relationship, maybe he feels he can't talk to you, for whatever reason, whether he feels he has been cut-off or your so spunky he doesn't want to bring you down.
It can be for many reasons. Communication is the only way to find out. Him opening up may require some form of game.
So the question you might ponder is: how is his work going, anyone giving him a hard time? Is there something he wants to do but feels he either has little time to do it, or not enough money, such as in school? How are the finances? Remember that men are hard wired to be providers and protectors. If anything encroaches upon them, then he will go into his little cave and shut out the world until he has figured out a solution.
I hope this gives you some idea to ponder and see if any of it may fit the situation.
I know the above is usually my reason for no energy. At 50, it becomes other issues, like the eyes getting bad, prostate problems, sleep apnea.
In the beginning, where your at now, you'll have to act like a detective or investigator, listening to that little voice in the back of your head and whether you've noticed anything abnormal in behavior, when it started and what else was going on at the time that may have affected him.
If both of you can work through this together and get to the bottom of it together, and even work out a solution, whether compromise that fits each others needs, you will only strengthen the trust in your relationship, forming a tighter bond and team.
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