A
female
age
30-35,
*illonbitsu
writes:I need some advice from people that have been through something similar with a long distance relationship.Firstly I want to make it clear, I am very very happy and content with my boyfriend, I am truly in love for the first time in my life and I am lucky enough that he feels the same way. With respect I am not looking for answers of 'whether we should be together or not' - I am already sure that I want to make it work with this person.So basically we both still live with our respective families, I have a promising career in a city halfway across the country that I currently commute every day (100miles) and have been looking forward to moving out closer to where I work.He lives in a different town to me, and is looking to join the RAF, with the prospect of getting posted abroad etc. These were things we had both wanted to do before we met one another.We both want a future together, and would love to live together. But the hard thing is whatever route we go down, it's either going to be a real strain on our relationship if he moves out with me, or if I give up my job to be closer to him, or it's going to deter away from our individual goals, and I don't think either of us want to do that to one another either.I will do anything to make it work, he is very important to me, and I would encourage him to do what makes him happy. We've spoken about it and it's just an uncomfortable conversation thinking about what lies ahead when everything is just so great now. We kind of have to have the attitude of 'crossing the bridge when it comes to it' because neither of us know what's in store.Realistically though, what is the best way to sustain our relationship and make this a less painful experience. You shouldn't live your life around someone else's, but at the end of the day this is the man I love and a job is a job, I'm not going to put my career before my own personal happiness either. Has anyone been in a relationship that has had to become long distance? Any advice appreciated, thanks for reading x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2014): I think I've answered a question pretty similar to this today.LDR's are hard work. The people that I know who are having (or have had) succussful ones have managed by1) Trusting their partner completely (LDR's are not for the insecure who is always worrying that their other half might be having more fun without them.)2) Chatting on the phone or via skype regularly (not just text messages and emails)3) Visiting each other regularly (one couple I know fly regularly between London and Moscow to visit each other every 6 weeks - they've been doing this for 3 years)4) Having a fairly firm idea of when the relationship is going to stop being long distance (e.g when someone finishes University) and knowing who is going to be moving to whom. SOMEBODY will have to give SOMETHING up and if neither of you is ever prepared to do this- then the relationship would probably fail ultimatelyBear in mind that some LDR's fail once the relationship has stopped being long-dstance. They find that they aren't as compatible in real life as they were on the phone or behind the computer screen.Good Luck
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