A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:There were a few incidents in the beginning of our relationship where he flirted with others in my presence. On fb are pics(4) of him and others.some recent others from his vacation while we were together (these pics i saw in his cam when he got bk and was upset). he says i should trust him.He claims the pics mean nothing and he has never cheated even when wed break up there was never anyone else. we are often on and off again.A quick confession: last time we tried to fix this it ended horribly.I went through his phone when he left the room. yes, i went behind his back and checked his phone.There were several back and forth flirting txt msgs.when he came back he could see i was upset, my demeanor changed i didn't want to discuss it i was fuming and wanted to calm down. he insisted we talk it out. so I told him what i did he was upset that i breached his privacy. called me crazy and psycho. I kept saying people who have nothing to hide hide nothing. It was a heated argument. He tried to hug me to calm me down I was drunk and on meds (bad combo bad mistake!) I slapped him (several times) because I thought he had been lying all this time. Not to mention how angry and betrayed I felt.Im not making excuses as I know my behaviour was uncalled for (i have never been violent or hit anyone ever!). I apologized profusely. what i was really upset about was his omission! He left after that incident I called and text all night and next day to apologize for what i did. He was too upset and angry to care or hear me out. By the end of the week he text to ask if he is that bad of a bf and why we couldn't have a decent relationship. we talked late that night and when he mentioned what I did I guess as a defense mechanism I mentioned his previous mistakes too. This angered him (I am often guilty of bringing up the past). needless to say that convo didn't end well.no communication for about a month.he says i have been violent and abusive and he doesn't want to be with me or see me. Not even for the sake of closure.There is not a doubt in my mind that he loves me. We are both busy with careers and education.We are in our late 20s too old to be doing this to each other. When things are good between us they are great. He’s been my rock and my best friend.I have been depressed and he’s helped me. He is the only one that believes in me and supports me. Aside from what is mentioned here I feel we are good together.I want us to try to understand each other and slowly over come our probs to build a lasting relationship.I want us to really try again,grow up! I wish we could start over!Or that we’d meet now.How can I fix this and get us to communicate again?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2010): ok. Step one. Breath.
Next thing, you need to ask yourself, what are you willing to do for this person and yourself? Because you must remember,, although you want to fix this relationship, you should also want to be better for the next.
If there is love, as you suggested, there is always another chance. The slapping and getting defensive should not hinder this as in moments of jealousy and anger, we can do crazy things, and I think love is something that can forgive that.
My partner and I had a massive episode of not trusting and becoming, I guess the word is alittle crazy, because of the fear to lose them. I found, once it was really messy and looked like we couldn't fix it (because trust me, we did and said alot of stupid stuff) that a break is necessary. A month, maybe two. Not to move one or make them jealous, but to breath and start the long path of forgiveness. Once two months had past, with alittle bit of friendly contact and coffees we got out a bottle of wine to relax the senses and just chat, laugh, flirt and alittle bit of kissing.
From there we talked about our issues of the past, but just found it to hold us back and make us angry again. When too much damage is done its honestly best to rip that page out and start again.
So we attempted to start it all over again, cautious of what may hurt the other but ultimately, a fresh start.
You must remember, they love You, alot. And if you love them, you should learn to trust them. And give alittle privacy. My partner and I used to check eachothers phones all the time!!! But now I see, its not necessary, I trust them and love them and although I'm curious, if they have something to say, I would rather hear it from them then read it.
so be strong in yourself and confident enough to know, they love you and are faithful to you.
Best of luck x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2010): I hate to say it, but you need to move on from this guy. I had an unhealthy relationship like this with someone who I thought was my "rock" and my "best friend" and I thought that he was the only one for me and I'd never find someone better. When we finally broke up I was devastated but its been almost 2 years since we've broken up and I look back at it now and can't believe I didn't remove myself from that situation earlier. I promise that you will be happy and healthy but you need to get this guy out of your life. Its the only way you can find someone who is truly deserving of your trust because if he has flirty texts and pictures, he doesn't deserve you or your trust.
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