A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've decided that I want to try and make my relationship work with my ex boyfriend after he admitted he slept with another girl.I've had a few months to think about it and I do want to get back with him. He is all I can think about and even when I have tried to see other guys, there is nothing there. But with him, when we have got together, I felt like I should forgive his mistake and try again. We got together through our mutual friends. I worked with his best friends brother, so we sort of just met through chance, but we exchanged numbers and within weeks we were dating. It was like an instant connection between us. Things moved pretty fast for us and within a few months we were thinking about getting a place together, kids, marriage, everything! It wasn't just me who wanted these things, he pushed and pushed for us to get our own home but I took advice from people and decided to wait. I thought it was for long term until he told me that he had slept with a girl, who he had met on a night out once before. Apparently they ran into each other a few times and after a few weeks, slept together. He ensured me he used protection, but I still got tested and everything came back ok so nothing to worry about there. He also told me two mornings after it happened, so he didn't try and keep it from me. I was hurt as you would expect and ended things there and then. I walked away without really trying to forgive. I know that he wants to get back together as he is constantly asking me to think it over, or at least go on dates with him to try and refresh how happy we are. He has told me how stupid and how sorry he is a million times and I believe he is.I guess what I need advice on is how to approach this? With him, with family and friends....I know that it would be silly to sleep together straight away but what steps do we take? We were together for 8 months. I'm 20, he is 22.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2015): If I were in your shoes, I would need to get to the root of 'why' did he cheat only 8 months into the relationship . I mean if everything was as great the connection him pushing for marriage kids etc, why would he waste it on a stupid fling ?? After all 8 months is the honeymoon period still . And how did he get protection . I mean your talking about him taking the time to use something on his little head, that means his big head had a chance to say oo wait a minute this isn't right . I have a girl I care and love how can I cheat on her . But these thoughts never arose .. and two days to me if long time to keep it to himself ..He needed you to help ease his guilt .. In my honest opinion I don't think he's ready to settle down .. I think you need to seriously get to the bottom of the whys and then see if you wanta date . Being sorry is all good and said after the event but it would make him change his behaviour if you sweep it under the carpet What happens next time opportunity raises it head .Will he be able to say no?? I wish you well sweetie . And hope no matter what you choose it's right for you .
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2015): I agree with Owlie. Baby steps and try meeting for coffee and byild things up taking things very slowly. He needs to show you and that takes time. Stand back and don't rush in.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2015): Don't commit until you've truly gotten past the cheating incident. As long as that is fresh in your mind, you'll have trust-issues. Second-chances aren't easy after cheating. If you can't forgive and move forward completely, there is going to be a lot of resentment. That will wear on both of you.
Go ahead and date. Keep sex out of it for a long as it takes you to completely heal. Sex too soon will complicate things. If he's willing to wait, it shows how much he cares for you. Not just trying to regain access to your body.
Don't just take him back out of the fear his being single leaves him other options. Sometimes women take back cheating boyfriends/husbands; because her jealousy of other women motivates her to let him off the hook too easily. He has to earn back your trust, and you have to be willing to let him. That's harder than you think.
If the reconciliation is based on true forgiveness, and you are over what he did. It may work out. Eight months was not really a long-time; so it's almost a fresh start anyway. Don't let your feelings get too far ahead of his. Make sure you're getting back what you're giving. Also be sure it's not just your hormones doing all the talking. Missing him will force you to go into denial, and missing him is not enough reason to give a cheat a second chance.
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