A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:How do you deal with mean people or people who want to hurt you? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2015): I have to disagree with a couple of posts here, Yes! people do go out to hurt other's for NO reason sometimes. Even complete strangers sometimes take great pleasure in trying to hurt other people. Ever walked down the road and had a nasty comment? what reason is justifiable hurting someone else's feelings or self esteem.Some people on this planet are plain and simple evil, and have personalities like scum, they don't need reasons to be who they are, they are, what they are, through 'their'choice. Bad people don't need 'Reasons'they don't have conscience they don't have empathy, they are empty shells who take pleasure in downing 'others'. It probably did start 'somewhere' but within the person who has 'choice' to hurt or not hurt another person. Revenge is also a choice but revenge can be simply because someone is happy or pretty or different and the person has done nothing to warrant revenge.I am intolerant of making excuses for peoples shit behaviours when innocent people suffer because someone else is having a bad day. Getting to the bottom of it is wasting time and energy, let the person who creates this dig through the bottom of the pit.By making excuses is 'Accepting abuse' and this is where you have to walk tall, look the world in the eye and say fuck you, and choose happiness for yourself or get crushed by believing people who live in the shadows and create illusions that are not true.Deal with nasty people by separating yourself from them and believe nothing negative that they are trying to plant in your mind and fear nothing. Don't hurt yourself by believing bad people, if you need support for domestic violence then seek help to free yourself.Somebody once said to me, You can not change other people, but you can change how you feel.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 September 2015):
 How are people trying to hurt you?
And what started it all?
In general people don't just go out of their way to hurt someone. There is usually a reason (doesn't mean it's YOUR fault, but something started this - and getting to the bottom of it might start with the usual questions - who, where why and when.)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2015): Some good answers here.
I must admit in my case - I am a nice & loyal friend to have around - until that day someone crosses me! Then I can have an acid tongue - mean & spiteful. It's not that I am a mean & spiteful person - just my way of hitting back - when someone has hurt me deeply or betrayed my trust.
So usually when people want to hurt you - it's their way of revenge. I'm not saying you've done anything wrong necessarily - but something will have happened quite recently to make them sore.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2015): Keeping a safe distance is usually the best way to avoid getting entangled with nasty folk who mean you physical or psychological harm. You have to choose your friends wisely, and when you see signs or consistent patterns of trouble, you cut all ties.
Many of the OP's who write DC are in relationships. Often they are in long-term relationships gone sour. They've become very much attached, or emotionally dependent on their abusive partners or friends. It takes a lot of courage to break free from people who mean you harm. You don't rule out restraining orders or calling the police when someone is persistent in bothering or hassling you.
You also have to be careful of the people you entrust a lot of personal information about yourself. People use social media a lot, and they forget when they post Instagrams and IM's they can be tracked to their location by strangers or people they're trying to avoid. People also post very embarrassing information to shame each other. Forgetting that there are laws against publicly slandering people.
Mean people usually have unresolved issues that they take out on everybody. Their bitterness comes from the frustration within them; because they feel powerless. They are cowardly; so they bully and attack those who can't defend themselves. They may not like certain people for no apparent reason. They'll only back-down when you refuse to show them your fear. Sometimes you simply have to take a stance.
They will torture the vulnerable or the weaker. You sometimes have to show mean people that you're not going to cower from them; and if they don't back-off, bring in the law. Expose that they are doing to your support system and family members. Rally support when you're outnumbered.
Put their asses in jail; or file a legal suit; if you have legal grounds. What they need are consequences for their evil deeds, and to know they can't draw anymore fear from you.
You can't always be a coward and let people walk all over you. Even soldiers in battle get scared; but they have to face the enemy in order to subdue or defeat them. It's a matter of survival; and sometimes you have to use your wits, as well as mental and physical strength.
People who have been hurt and have unresolved issues take out their pain on innocent bystanders. Like the recent reign of killings in churches, malls, and movie theaters.
They're not always crazy, their just evil. They hope they'll get off on a defense of insanity; but juries don't buy it.
Even family members can be mean and conniving; and take advantage of the fact they know your weaknesses, and have easy access to you. In those cases, you stand-up to them and let them know that you'll only take so much abuse before you seek legal protection. Be it for liable and slander; or harassment. People who cower in corners spend a lot of their miserable lives in fear. They never find ways to protect themselves; and usually try to seek a romantic connection with an aggressive person they hope will protect them. That backfires, because aggressive people have no filters; or often have temper management issues. Anyone, including their loved ones, can be their victims.
If you are a victim of abuse, you must remove yourself from the situation. Seek legal protection; or if it is a work-related issue, take it to Human resources. Anything you can't handle on your own, seek professional protection.
That means the police, a lawyer, or find yourself a hot-line that can refer you to specific avenues of protection.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2015): Well it all depends on peoples situations and character's,Some people are very super sensitive and the slightest hurt or criticism hurts them that they fold. This could possibly be because they 'care' too much (about what others think).How to deal with mean people who want to hurt others? After years of experiencing people of this particular breed, who are relentless in their pursuit of trying to annoy people I learnt that it is best to completely shut them out of your life and mind (family included)Let them say what they want, and if they feel the need to try and destroy your reputation with lies or even the truth, fear nothing. I have had this where people have tried to hurt me, people like this are poison and there ain't nothing you can do to stop them, when they're spitting the venom. It's best to stand tall through it all and know your truth and do not fall into the tit for tat games. Mean people will always exist so will people who want to hurt us, just don't fold or you hand them so much power to hurt you more, walk away and move forward. stick around and take it or move on and out and choose to be around happy people. I always say goodbye to mean hurtful people, I don't have to listen to their rubbish or even believe it.
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