| A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: ArticleHow do people get through the loss of a loved one?Recently a friend of mine lost her husband to lung cancer. She has really been struggling. I suspect that she is not alone. She said that some remarks I made were a great comfort to her. So I thought I would share this with you in case you are grieving because you lost someone or something that was seriously significant to you, such as losing a job. Or in these difficult times such as losing a home to floods or other natural disasters.A loss can significantly impact on a person in the short term and the long term. In the short term there is a shock and a numbness that almost insulates us from the worst of it. We are in a state of daze, we may even make mistakes and not even realise this fact.It all does not seem real at the start. Though our reactions will vary, depending on our personality and our coping mechanisms. Some people will immediately lean on others and have an expectation that support will be forthcoming. They may be right and they may be wrong, depending on who they seek out to give them that support.Because some people can be quite callous and see that as doing the grieving person some good. Most people need a lot more than to just be told to “get over it.”The nicest thing anyone can do or say is to leave the door open but to allow the grieving person to heal at their own pace.Tell then that your door is open if and when they want to approach you. But do not attempt to hurry along their grieving.Expect the grieving person to be more sensitive to everything in the early stages of grief.For the grieving person I would suggest that they take some time off to heal because the grieving person will feel tired and lost and need some additional sleep, if they can sleepTry not to make too many rapid changes at this time as a grieving person needs to detach from somethings and embrace other things. This can be difficult.The best suggestion I can make though is to find a project that means something to the grieving person and embrace that project.The project does not need to be big but it does need to be achievable in the twelve to eighteen months after a death or incident that has led to the grieving.I will give some project examples.1. Start and tend to a vegetable garden and set a goal of what you intend to achieve.2. Embrace a fitness regime and or join a gym and really define the outcomes expected in 12 months3. Learn a new skill. Be it learn to drive a particular vehicle or learn to make something with your hands4. Learn a new language to allow you to reach out to people. Not in a structured way and not through formal classes but instead, at your own pace, Start to learn some basic words and the correct pronunciation from a neighbour or friend who speaks that language and has time to talk to you a few times a week, when the opportunity arises. Write down each word and the correct pronunciation. 5. If you have some skills and you feel strong enough then join a circle making quilts to donate to a palliative care facility The concept of a project, that starts and continues while you are still grieving and is suitable for your own skill set allows you to grow slowing back to a state of normalcy.It distracts your from all the hurt you feel inside as you heal. Rather like the doctor or dentist who talks to you about all manner of things when doing something to you that you may be anxious about.It prevents you from hiding away at home sinking more and more into depression.It brings you into contact with other people.Such projects allow you to work at your own pace.The projects also allow you to reach out to others for support. They allow you to have a sense of achieving goals and maybe creating something you can cherish. You have tangible proof that despite your grief you can do other things.Over time you start to see improvements in how you react and you will become more able to talk things through with others. You will see evidence that you are growing and coping better.It is usually too early to try to help others so that is why I did not suggest joining a charity doing good things in your community. Your own wellbeing has to come firstGrieve at your own pace and you will come out stronger I hope this helps someone who is grieving right now.
View related questions:
neighbour Reply to this Article
Share |
You can add your comments or thoughts to this article A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2016): Keep busy, cry, pray,
Talk to a relative, friend or neighbour.
Seek counselling.
Exercise, jog keep active.
Attend church and find peace.
Live for the moment, help others, find happiness in small things.
Don't let your thoughts increase your misery but take a breath and be a better person for the love you have known.
One day at a time
|
