A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:How do men feel about establishing exclusivity before sex? Ideally, I prefer to only have sex with men I'm committed with, but I know that realistically both partners should know if they are sexually compatible before committing. Is it reasonable to want exclusivity before having sex? I'm obviously talking about men who are looking for a committed relationship leading to marriage and not ones seeking hookups. I've only had one sexual partner and we were both committed before having sex. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2019): I'm sure you will find some men who will be very happy to be exclusive with you before having sex. After all, STIs are scary for everybody.
I'm mainly posting to reply to the last anonymous aunt: sexual compatibility is WAY more than just a size thing. For instance, some people HATE oral sex, while for others the lack of it is a dealbreaker.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2019): It's perfectly reasonable and in fact will weed out anyoe who is not compatible with your values. If that's the kind of relationship you want, then you should hold out for a partner who feels the same way.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2019): Chances are good you'll be sexually compatible, but maybe not the first time between the sheets. The only way you wouldn't be is if the sizes didn't match up. Maybe on a 2nd or 3rd date explore a little.
If you bump heads (done that) the first time, it slips out or it just wasn't that good -- it will get better with practice.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2019): Wow! You ask a good and difficult question. Guys by nature are horny and impatient. The ones who truly care for you though, will take it slow with you! After being with a guy for some time, petting and maybe oral sex may be useful to you, to find out his sexual size, and to determine is he will still be patient with you, and proceed at your pace, or if they get frustrated with a partial reward and try to hurry you, or get fed up and move on! If your guy still remains patient and respectful, at this point, I think that the man would then commit to exclusivity with you, regarding sexual intercourse. If you do not permit petting and/or oral sex, you may find a guy to agree to be exclusive, then have sex, only to find that he is either too large or too small for you to be satisfied and comfortable. If that happens then you yourself will want to move on. You are to be commended, for setting moral standards, for yourself, and for any man that you permit to have sex, with you! I pray that this helps you! Be Blessed!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2019): Good for you for setting standards!
There will be plenty of men out there who will get frustrated and walk away - they are no loss I guarantee you. If anything they will do you a favour because it will help you eliminate those who just want one thing.
There will be good and decent men out there who will be happy to take time to build the foundations before having sex - by building foundations I mean deciding you are somebody they are wanting to settle down with.
Stick to that standard and don't accept any lower - it may be difficult but when you find that person it will be worth it...and sex will be even better!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 September 2019):
 Maybe you just need to SET it as your standard and stick to it. IF some men can't agree to it, that is OK, but it just means they aren't for you.
I really don't think it's too much to ask. Just like I don't think it's too much to ask for MUTUAL STD tests before sex.
If you aren't looking for hook ups I think you NEED to have it as a "requirement", not so much for THEM but for you. If a guy can agree to wait, he is willing to see if you might BE the long term partner HE is looking for too, so it works BOTH ways.
IT IS OK to have a standard in life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2019): I'm British, so maybe there are some cultural differences here. But in general I think it will be hard for you, but not impossible. I really like the idea, but I don't think I have any male friends who would be up for that. And likewise most girls I've met wanted sex fairly early on. I guess that's just a byproduct of the sexualised culture we live in here in the West.
If you're willing to wait a while, I'm sure a guy who shares your views will come around. As long as you're looking in the right places!
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