A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi all, After years of not feeling much for the opposite sex after a long, miserable marriage, someone I met as a child courted me for a few months before I agreed to meet up. I was almost convinced I'd never fall in love again It was an instant, intense connection. The first time we made love was the most intense of my life. He Even called me a few hours later to tell me exactly the same thing. Even though I've dated father's before, I care very much for his kids and treat them no different than my own. But here's the problem. He has trust issues from being cheated on and when I'm upset w him, he escalates it by yelling so I yell back. We agree to stop but it's the same thing at the next argument. My friends feel it's because he's "rough around the edges" bc he did not finish college. Basically, he has a high school diploma and I have two degrees. My family likes him but also think we are going to have issues due to the difference in jobs as he's blue collar and I'm.white collar. However, He doesn't have debt and makes a good living so it doesn't bother me. All I care about it that he loves me back and treats me well. I think he struggles because he and his family (they said it in private to me) that he was a womanizer,used to do drugs, didn't respect women, cheated a lot himself but since he's been with me, he only talks about me and pushed away all his bad friends along w cutting off female friends. I have not seen him on any substances or found anything So my questions are how do I work on this trust issue and two, should I be with someone who is a diamond in the rough? How would you handle this? If I didn't feel so strongly for him, I wouldn't stay w someone who yells or dismisses my concerns when he does something dumb.Hes reluctantly open to therapy but we can't go until his insurance kicks in. He definitely has the tough guy persona going so maybe that'sthe issue. Thanks for your help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2018): I wrote “proceed with caution........” above. The one thing I did not respond to was the difference in status (jobs/education}. I would not be overly concerned unless he is insecure. The traps with insecurity are jealousy and trust issues which he already has from the last relationship. This could lead to a very unpleasant existence. If he hasn’t exhibited these tendencies around your peers, especially male peers than it hopefully won’t be a problem. This with what I have already written before are real possibilities and best to be aware. I wish you the best of luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2018): Proceed with caution and definitely take your time. There’s a good chance he may revert to his addictions or have them well hidden. Womanizers rarely change and drug addiction is a life long battle. I sincerely hope the drug addiction is under control and will be for the rest of his life. His addiction for women is something else and find these men have distorted views of what is normal in a marriage or relationship. Sorry but good luck.
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